Saturday, December 21, 2019


Dizzy with options -
Options spinning in my head
Nauseous from the motion
Onward til I'm dead

Take my hand, we'll leave this place
Forget it and move on
Onward toward a new tomorrow
Rising with the dawn

Gazing at the rushing days
Endeavor to savor their dance
Twirling with little grace
Taking one last chance

Open your eyes, expand your lungs
Breathe your worries away
Release all you're holding onto
Empty now - it needn't stay

After all the choices have been made
Take my hand, we'll rest awhile
Hold on tight and don't look back
Expand your lungs, relax, and smile

Do not forget to breathe, dear
Endeavor to savor this too
And when everything is said and done
Remember me - I will remember you

Sunday, December 8, 2019

Empty Air

I'm tired of my own words
All about me, they fly
Making me flinch and duck
Justified every silly truth and lie

Understanding it all
Still knowing so little
Touching no one
Aching to be less brittle

Protect me from myself
Rally forces against me
Obliterate my every thought
Bombard me with reality

Let this version of me die
End all my past regret
Memories flood my head -
All the expectations I never met

Neglecting past mistakes
Disturb them not, I pray
No - let them be forgotten
Only, they'll never go away

Once more, let me restart
No - I'm still so tired
Everything remains the same
Hurling forth words, however uninspired

Always clinging to the past
Searching for a better future
Endured every false step
Vigilantly re-closing every suture

Earnestly fighting against myself
Reality never cared
Sincerity never answered
Only stood there and stared

Lost myself in words and words
Vehemently searching for me there
Echos I run after
Dead-ending in nowhere

I'll find myself in the responding silence
Twirling in the empty air

Sunday, November 24, 2019


Infinity, it stared at me
Winked and vanished in the inconsistency
Alone, I searched for a distraction
Softly, the world refused me a reaction

Surrendering, I plunged into my thoughts
Cascading down amongst twists and knots
Abstracted and lost
Reality ignoring my accost

Engulfed in myself, I sensed -
Drowning in an ocean I couldn't fight against -
Omniscience, and a lack thereof
Forgetting myself and all that I love

Nothingness screamed at me, and I didn't care
Only everything surrounded me there
Tossed about in a teeming void
Built anew while being destroyed

Eternity, it stared at me
I stared right back, wonderingly
Noticing just how small I was
Groping for significance and giving pause

Deserting my pursuit of grasping this abstraction
Infinity winked and I clung to a distraction
Saturated in a more concrete reality
Tortuous with previous notions of me

Resolutely ignoring life's dissonance
Affirming once more my significance
Circling actions with no pauses to give
Thinking concretely so I might live

Eternity, sporadically, will glance at me
Dancing before my questioning eyes, and vanishing in the inconsistency

Saturday, November 9, 2019

Don't Think Twice

Yesterday I realized: this isn't fine
Ongoing thoughts of lilac and pine
Unwisely, I allowed a restart
Justifying how you toyed with my heart

Unwarranted, I suppose I'll say nothing at all
Subtly you'll fade, constructing a wall
Tempered with surety, I'll shut the door
Knowing all along I'd get nothing more

I'm not implying you treated me unkind
No: you could have done better, but I don't mind
Dared myself to try, and look where it went
Allowed myself to feel, and now I feel spent

Was it simply a waste of time and heartache?
Allowed a restart, prolonged our mistake
Silly and childish, I built castles in the air
They crumbled and crushed me, and you no longer care

Even so, I never could blame you for our plight
Don't think twice - it's all right
Make it all worth it: what is it worth now?
You broke no promises, I made no vow

Perhaps there is no worth, perhaps I wasn't meant to gain
Real friends or knowledge - watch it all wane
Echoing and circling in my tired head
Criticizing every silly truth I ever said

In soft and subtle tones, beckon me to rest
Once again wishing I'd tried my best
Unable to stop these circling thoughts and sleep
Smelling green pine, counting trees instead of sheep

Tomorrow you will slip away, and I won't mind
I didn't do my best, and you weren't always kind
Maybe it was just a waste of time and heartache
Ending in the slowest break

Sunday, October 27, 2019

Validate Me

Been feeling pretty low
Because . . . I don't know
Dry the tears - let it go

Gentle thoughts turn rough
Keep your chin up, be tough
But I just don't feel good enough

Happiness, it comes and goes
Hoping the pain never shows
No one has time for your woes

Coldness soaks through my skin
I've won before, but I never feel like I win
Dry your face, begin again

Smile; no use in spreading the pain
Watch the crescent wax and wane
Palms reached out, I catch only rain

Highs and lows, can't let them see
Reaching out for attention, I'm trapped and free
Dry my tears for a moment - validate me

Tell me I matter, that I'm important too
Give me approval, give me value
Mine isn't good enough - I need it from you

But it never lasts, the value you grant
The compliments you give, the flatter you chant
Eventually you leave, and I'm left unconfident

It doesn't last, this outside stuff
So this version of me I'll try to slough
Dry the tears - tell myself I am enough

Sunday, October 13, 2019

Everything Will Be -

Lament once more
     These passing days
Affirm with passion
     All that did blaze
Coldly, I watched them
     They burned out and died
Knowing nothing
     They shouldn't have tried

Learn one thing
     If nothing more
Understand this
     Fix it to your core
Softly, watch the tears
     They spilled out and dried
Telling nothing
     You shouldn't have lied

Everything will be -
     But none of it is fine
Rehearsed with feeling
     It's an overused line
Don't tell me
     What it is I feel
Resilient and layered
     Watch me peel

I thought I knew
     But that was just in my head
Vehement and fickle
     Don't trust what I said
Even so, I demand
     Hearken to my appeal
Lament once more
     What I thought was real

Sunday, September 29, 2019


Wind rushing through my hair
Heart racing through it all
After everything is said and done
The tether frays and down I fall

Enlighten me to the ways of the world
Vigilantly, tell me what to fear
Enjoy what we have today
Racing to when it's no longer here

Yearning for what you pushed away
Ostensibly, I'll take no blame
Ubiquitous as guilt is
Always feigning we're not the same

Rain spattering on my skin
Endings speckling the sky
Farewell to the stars and clouds
Enthralled with the question "Why?"

Equity, it blinded me
Little excuses piled around you
I fabricated every one
Never believing what I always knew

Going forward with no destination in sight
I was clinging to something facile
Simple as I thought it'd be
Altogether underestimating the hassle

Lightning striking behind my eyes
Life smacking me with reality
Remembering what I swore I'd forget
Instilled so many silly things in me

Go now and don't come back
However much I don't know if that's what I want
The tether frays and I fall
Catch me in your final taunt

Heart racing through the wind
I'll stand in the spitting rain
Laughing at the patterns in the sky
Diligently moving on again

Sunday, September 15, 2019


I'll waste time doing nothing at all
Just watching the leaves as they start to fall
Until my conscience tickles my head
Shiver with the realization - it won't be long til I'm dead

Trace my life across the sky
Never allowing myself to ask you why
Etch the knowledge into my skin
Ending just when we begin

Dare to question what was always right
Eerie and evident - but I won't fight
Dance with the devil - get lost in their eyes
Shockingly angelic - perhaps it's all lies

Only just tiptoeing across the line
Make believe it will all be fine
Enjoy it for now - I suppose we must
Our weary hearts will start to rust

Nearing the end - don't ruin it yet
Enduring forever - I wouldn't bet
Ask once more, "What is it you want?"
Risk it all - it will always haunt

Or perhaps we'll forget, by and by
Unless my conscience doesn't stop questioning why
Never allowing anything at all
Dare to stand - I dared to fall

Death will greet me with a friendly smile
Enjoyed every moment for my small while
Ask once more, but I want nothing, my dear
Risk it all - let it go - and draw me near

Sunday, September 1, 2019


Teach me how to think again
Head full of sawdust - where to begin
Ending alone in this room
Dust hanging thick - I have no broom

Always running out of things to say
Run your mouth anyway
Keep my lips pressed tightly down
Enjoying the sensation, they'll still frown

Roll my eyes right out of my head
Tell me all the things I never said
He'll never get it right, you know
Expressions never truly the truth show

Worn down by time and sand
Empty now - push and I won't stand
All together - give one last shove
Tighten your grip and call it love

Heart full of sawdust - I'll breathe it out of my lungs
Entangled here - they speak in tongues
Run your finger down their spine
Touching lies - they say it's fine

How is it nothing moves anymore?
Exiting, if only you'd open the door
Beating constantly at my empty head
Enjoying the sensation, though I'm dead

Teach me how to feel again
Touch nothing at all - where to begin
Ending alone in this place
Reach for me and blur my face

Though I cannot give you a reason why
Hearken to this final cry -
Etch it in your empty mind
Save it where you'll always find -

Tomorrow is a brand new day
Our empty heads won't remember mistakes anyway
Running onward where the future looms
Moreover - I have found some brooms

Sunday, August 18, 2019


I'll draw circles in the air
Signifying the thoughts I'll never share
Twirling - spinning - rippling through space
I'll watch the muscles create expressions on my face

Looming ever nearer, it comes with speed
Lurching ever closer, hear me plead
Justice - mercy - guilt - who's to tell?
Under the pressure of their gaze - it pushed and I fell

Standing in an insignificant rain
Trouble pours down but I feel no pain
Watch it all melt away and die
Always waiting for one last goodbye

Not thinking it much your style -
Twirl a bit - it may make you smile
Turn once for me and watch it ripple out
One last look before the inevitable drought

Tell me no rules and I'll break not one
Answer my questions before we're done
Life careens on with no common courtesy
Knowledge is sought but it evades me

Touch down softly and drift away
Open your eyes - I won't ask you to stay
Yet I will cling to the remnant of rain
Open your mind - it shan't wane

Until then - my hands move in a rhythmic fashion
Tracing circles with my emotional ration
Only rippling through remnants and air
One last look - but it's no longer there 

Thursday, August 1, 2019

Verily, Me

I didn't want to write again – no matter what they'll think it's about you
I suppose I won't fight or prolong it, and simply write what is true:

You took me on an emotional roller coaster – it all went so fast
I remember every smile you ever gave me, from the first to the last
I liked to hear you ramble – I liked it when you talked
I liked that you made sure to be closer to the road when we walked
You made me laugh, and blush, and cry
You said you loved everything about me, and I wondered why
If goodbye was inevitable, it's best to do it quickly, I thought
But I'm not sad about the time we had together – I'm sad about the time we will not . . .

I'm smart – I knew we wouldn't last – knew it would lead to no good
But I'm silly and childish – I wanted to keep you as long as I could . . .
I want to say there are no hard feelings, but what I'm feeling is hard
But time will heal, and we didn't know each other long enough to get scarred
But until that time . . . does your heart ache when you see me?
Do you flip-flop between being completely fine and crying suddenly?
There is an empty yet tight feeling in my chest, like someone squeezed my heart down a size or two
And I know there's no point, but I keep torturing myself with thoughts of you . . .

Don't fret – I work through feelings quickly – I'll be over you soon enough
It's just these last few days have been tough . . .
I'd like to think it's your loss – because I'm just that amazingly perfect, you know
But you are pretty amazing yourself, and I'm sorry you had to go
Because I'm me and must view every painful moment as an opportunity for growth and success -
I thank you for being such a gentleman, as now I'll never accept anything less
I'm glad to have known you – I don't regret it at all
I'll learn from this roller coaster, from every rise and every fall

Now I'll end with an inside joke, the meaning of which I'll never tell:
At least Victor Alan doesn't think I'm going to hell

Sunday, July 28, 2019

Terra Firma

I used to bite my nails when I was nervous
Now I sink my teeth into my skin
So I can feel something simple
A truth not quite so thin

It was my strong guiding light
The moon that fought so hard for control
Pockmarked but unbroken
The emotional tides have swallowed it whole

It was my inspiring comforter
The sun that sometimes hurt and burned
Blazing on through the rain
Now the tides have turned

All the trouble that they caused
What finally broke them was out of their reach
Trying to help clean someone else's mess
They drowned in the bleach

I used to bite my tongue when I was angry
Now I do it to keep back the tears
So I don't add to the rushing tides
Choking on my fears

They used to listen and understand
These stars that blinked out one by one
Extinguished in the tide
Smothering the last bit of fun

The earth is cracking under the pressure
Water crashing into its core
It pushes back with all its might
So scared of losing this war

I used to fall to bits so easily
Now I'm trying to stay firm and hold it all together
As I watch my sky crumble
Standing shakily in this rainy weather 

Monday, July 15, 2019

Is The World Still On Your Shoulders

I can't go on like this -
Shattering so easily
Try as I may
Hardness eludes me

Ever the dramatizer
Won't let it worry you
On we go
Running out of things to do

Lie and say it's fine
Don't and say it's not
Still get the same response -
Thinking me tougher than you ought

If I change it up or not -
Looking up every other day
Life will go on
Onward always - now are we okay?

No, not right now
You ruined my already bad time
Observe my sinking face
Underneath all the grime

Really not all that bad -
Shouldn't I be fine?
How'd I get so freakishly fragile?
Only just making it to the next line

Understand I must avoid you
Like a plague of saltwater in my eyes
Don't try to talk sense into me -
Emotions make it sound like lies

Reality will arbitrate for us one day
Shattering or strengthening this guise 

Sunday, June 30, 2019

This Time

This page is for mistakes
Sentences I'll later scribble out
Like the thoughts in my head
My heart is full of doubt

This verse is a diversion
Because I don't want to dwell
On things that make me sad -
All the times I ever fell

This life is meant for action
But I'll stay here safe and sound
Daydreaming of all I could do
With all the courage I never found

This air is full of castles
That all crumble on my head
Yet I continue making them
Until they crush me and I'm dead

This death will be a sad one
"What a wasted life," they'll say
"Had such potential, but did nothing -
Always saying some day"

This day will never come
Unless I force it to
But fear makes me weak
And this requires strength to do

This is the problem -
Watch my hands begin to shake
And my mind begin to race -
Pulling at these anxious chains I cannot break

This time I want to be brave
Braver than ever before
Lost in a sea of daydreams
I want to reach the solid shore

This page is for mistakes -
Things I'll never admit to you
Silly daydreams and a nervous heart -
Watch me tear it out and start anew 

Sunday, June 16, 2019

Serenity By The Fire

Soften your eyes and smile
Ease has come again
Rush no more, you say -
Ending only when comes the rain

Now we relax and I reflect -
Is the world still on your shoulders?
Tired eyes respond to me
You gain strength as the fire smolders

Buried all week in mundane routine
You'll dig us out with smoke
Together with some conversation
Home in the memories the flames evoke

Elation and tranquility surround us
Flames reflect in our eyes
I look up toward the stars
Revealing our thoughts in the skies -
Ending only when the fire dies

Sunday, June 2, 2019

In Ash And Flame

This house will never change
Come or go, it's all the same
We'll be together in the end
In ash and flame

Do you hear the fire crackling now?
Feel the warmth upon your skin?
The scent of charred flesh fills my nose
It comes from within

With blazing eyes they'll watch me
With hearts of coal they'll judge
Mistook me for a traveler
This house will never budge

We'll burn it to the ground
Take the ashes to the sea
Wash it all away
Finally be free

But it shall rise again
So we'll chop it all to bits
Watch it stick back together
Finally call it quits

This house will stay for always
But I - I shall run away
My feet growing heavy
Watch the tethers fray

Cut the ropes and break free
For a moment at least
Fall dead without them
Watch the flames feast

Tie me back down -
I'm a puppet on these strings
Nothing without them
Defined myself by these things

But I'll not give up the fight
Against this house of insecurities and blame
For I saw it growing slowly smaller
So watch me outlast its flame

Wednesday, May 15, 2019


Oh dear - I'm getting older
How strange it all seems
All the troubles and the changes
To reality and my dreams

The things I wish to cling to
That fade away so fast
My small world that's growing
So very vast -

But wait - I demand a moment
To stomp my foot and proclaim -
"Yes, today's my birthday
But some things are still the same!"

The greenish brown color of my eyes
The dimple in my cheek
The gap between my teeth -
My smile, my ears, my widow's peak -

My love of writing and drawing -
My heart is much the same!
Full for family and friends
Though sadly prone to anger and flame . . .

There are good changes I could make -
Hard as they may be
Improvement requires revision
And there are things I must amend in me

Change is very daunting
But I need to learn to want it
More than the comfort of
What is familiar to my spirit

So let me take a moment
To breathe deeply and proclaim -
"Today's my eighteenth birthday
And nothing's going to be the same"

Sunday, May 12, 2019

Field of Sunflowers

Flooded with light
It entices us to grow -
Elating with love
Lingering on - let it go

Don't shrink away now -
Open towards our sun
Feel it surrounding -
Smiling until we are done

Unwavering and warm
Never to be taken for granted
Flourishing for you -
Oh, these seeds that you planted

We will come back to you - come back to us
Eastward facing once more
Returning always, this
Sun that we adore 

Sunday, April 28, 2019

Springtide Thaw

I'll imitate your dazzling smile
Familiar and versatile
Overused all the same
Running short of fervor and flame

Gone are the days of puerility
Ostentatiousness and stability
Took a hold of my heart -
Haggard but never torn apart

Obligingly, I was defeated
Wonder and sincerity all but depleted
Grace and love nowhere to be found
Rain and tears came crashing down

Excellence will never be attained
Exactitude is ingrained
Never without our anxieties
Toughen up and let your smile freeze

Heave a sigh, thaw my face
Engrave in my eyes a little grace
Gash out of my heart the irritating skelf
Returning always to my true self

Atoning for my past mistakes
Soothe and bandage all the aches
Subsume every little fear
Catching every fallen tear

Observe the sunshine on the grass
Understand this too will pass
Light reflecting on the dew
Dancing there, just for you

Beheld with joy, just for awhile
Emulating their selfless smile

Sunday, April 14, 2019


Sometimes I feel like I want to go back
To a time before my mind turned black
Before my heart began to crack
And my skin began to burn
Before you made me learn
About how the world is made to turn

I'll lay with my face turned towards the rain
My back pressed into grass and grain
Watch the moon wax and wane
Drinking in secondhand light
Letting my muscles relax and go tight
Close your eyes and fade into the night

In the nighttime your memory is tactile
In the moment it makes me smile
In the morning my mouth tastes of bile
I'll give no blame for all of this
The cracks and burns that came from our bliss
It was a long shot - we should have known we'd miss

So don't miss me - but don't forget
The secondhand flames we lit
Our highest mountain and our never ending pit
A loving touch and an awful sting
Onto the memory I shan't cling
For there's my moods - watch them swing

I'll watch the clock - see the seconds drip away
Watch the seasons change - now we're okay
Basking in this sunny day
Life's too short to waste time looking back
At our many mistakes and happy memories we lack
As time marches on we'll forget the crack 

Monday, March 25, 2019

Quaternary Blow

Time sucker punched me today
In my gut - knocking my air away
"Surprise!" it said, "Here's four years of your life
Gone forever - all the happiness and strife"

I doubled over in pain and realization 
I'd been so focused on my incoming high school graduation 
My blog's fourth anniversary had slipped my mind
"Forgetful child," time maligned 

"Four years of your life - and you forget!
How disappointed your younger self would be with all of it
Tests, invites, and driving - more crucial 
Than pouring out your soul?

Tell me, which will matter more when you're dead?"
I shrugged helplessly and sat down to hold my head
"Neither," I suggested with a nervous laugh
"None of this will matter half

As much as I thought it did -
What I showed and what I hid
In fear of what'd be thought of me
What I caged and what I set free-"

"Nonsensical poet," time chided, "You drift astray
From the point of the day-"
I crossed my legs and tilted my head
"The point being . . . what?" I said

Time held out a hand to help me to my feet
"You act as if I've been discrete!
Four years of your life - get your head out of the sand!
Get your hands out of your pockets and your feet back on land

It's your anniversary - be happy - celebrate!
Rather than never, let your smile be late
You've accomplished something - take a moment to reflect
Wash away the dust you allowed the past to collect

It's gone and done - you've made it through
But don't forget the lessons it taught to you
Store them in your mind neatly - not in your usual muddled bunch
And maybe next year you'll remember to block my punch"

Sunday, March 17, 2019

Blank Pages

Not sure what to do
Now that the world's stained me black and blue
For bruises only heal
When the apology is real
Scars only fade
When repentance is made
All the lies are tearing us apart
No one around me seems to have a heart
They cannot, do not, will not love anymore
Lost at sea; can't find the shore
Drifting, drifting further out
Til no one can hear us shout
As we get eaten away by a ravenous shark
We close our eyes for fear of the dark

My mind is on a seesaw, going up and down
Wondering if I should smile or frown
Wondering if I should laugh or cry
Wondering if I should live or die
I've flip-flopped here and there
About whether or not I care
I just don't know anymore
Why I'm slamming the door
I just don't understand
Why I fall but never land
I just don't get it
Why is it I can't quit?

I just keep falling, falling
There's a distant voice calling
From the pit of my soul
Out of my heart of makeshift coal
Reverberating through my bones
Like a thousand phones
All ringing, ringing - all at once shrieking
And it feels like my brain's leaking
Through my ears and eyes
All while the voice cries
Words I can't make out
All being screamed in a shout

I'm standing here in the pouring rain
Turning numb to all the pain
And then masking my nothingness with a smile
My mouth tastes like bile
But I laugh, because that's what they want me to do
I've just been spit out - now they're bringing me back up to chew

I'm turning endless blank pages
Trapped in these cages
Can't find my way out
And I just need to shout
Stuck in the same old routine
Never saying what I mean
I'm only human, but I can't let them see
Or find out that truly
I'm so scared of making a mistake
I'm pretending to be someone fake

But what can I do about it?
Everyone's disapproving looks I dare not forget
Their disappointed sighs
That brought tears to my eyes
Are seared in my mind
Making my judgments blind
I'll do anything to avoid those looks
They've robbed me of my free will, the crooks
But I've allowed them to do it
Couldn't let myself forgive and forget
Couldn't go and set myself free
From these mistakes I'll remember for eternity 

Sunday, March 3, 2019

Contrary Soliloquy

Is this what you want?
Spare time and stability
Do you know who I am?
You're giving up so easily

We worked so hard
They'll smother you in your sleep
Floating down gently
And cutting so deep

Toss and turn all you like
Old dreams wont be shed
Crack open my skull
Dig them out of my head

Another year slipped through my fingers
Still nothing to show
Another year chopped from your life
Trying hard to grow

We're still just a child
Can't we continue chasing dreams?
You're mellowing out
While I work in extremes

Some said I'd go places
Now you're leaving me behind
I'll search for hidden valuables
And admire what you find

Because you never asked for this -
The end of your childhood
I knew it was coming
But never really understood

We can't continue together
Yet you just can't smother me
A constant fight
Dreams vs stability

So have you found what you want?
Do you know who you are?
I'll fade into the background
And watch you go far

Sunday, February 17, 2019


Just trying to find some normalcy
Just trying to recognize these eyes
These harsh tones and sharp words
Cut until happiness dies

I'll be the sealed lips in the corner
Wearing a brave face and a hoodie
Like a child's safety blanket
Wrapped twice around me

Isolated as I am
With frost covered lashes
I know this isn't about me
But I'm crumbling to ashes

When has it ever been?
Never caused a moments worry
Bitten nails and tongues
The words become blurry

These things are true but I'm a liar
How are you to know?
Can't you read me like these words?
Fooled so long by my show

Trying to get a grip
You turn to smoke before my eyes
Grasping at air
Turning to ash as the fire dies

I need someone to hold me
But I flinch at your touch
I need you to hear me
But I don't talk much

I'm just crumbling now
I'll put myself back together soon
You have more important things to worry about
And I want to be a boon

But I listen to music when I'm upset
And lately I've heard too many songs
And I feel so helpless
Unable to right these wrongs

Can't you be the firm hand on my shoulder?
Raising me up when I fall down?
Can't you say you're proud of me?
Giving you no reason to frown

Because I don't want this to be normal anymore
But you don't recognize my eyes
And I've always managed without you
So like a lonesome phoenix, watch me rise 

Sunday, February 3, 2019


Head bobbing
Mind fuzzy
Eyes starring
Rather blankly

Half listening
Don't you know
Hands clapping
Enjoy the show

Got to get out of the rhythm
The structure I put myself in
It all looks the same
Grimace or grin

I'd scream if I weren't
So darned concerned
Hands in my pockets
So they've never been burned

Far too many now
It won't ever quit
Forced into a structure
Such an easy fit

Such a good girl
Such an easy child
So helpful and truthful
So smart and so mild

So over it all
So tired of caring
About the words on my lips
And the expressions I'm wearing

So tired of myself
I can see it on my face
When I look in the mirror
I've fallen from my own grace

Head banging
Eyes shut
Edges fraying
Strings cut

Never listening
Bitten tongue
Tastes nothing
Blackened lung

Still stuck in the rhythm
The routine, the mold
It all looks the same
Stuck frozen in the cold

I'll scream some day
Stop being so concerned
Won't bore myself til death
Still . . . my hands have never been burned

Sunday, January 20, 2019


I have my doubts
And anxieties
I keep myself warm
Turning away from the breeze

My skeletons are young
Flesh still dripping from their bones
My thoughts are fleeting
Blood racing with hormones

My eyes change color
Reflecting the answers in my head
It aches and throbs
In retribution for the flames I never fed

The fiery passion within
I smothered with harsh words and ice
Coldness grips my heart
It was never my device

I can't control my eyes
They leak and they turn red
I can't control my mouth
And the lies that it has bled

My heart races when it shouldn't
My voice shakes when I speak
My hands tremble often
I'm slow and I'm weak

My list of failings goes on
Forever, seemingly
My worst flaw of all
Is how often I find fault in me

Shrug off your past mistakes
Love yourself, they say
Sometimes I can
But sometimes I'm not okay

Is that okay?
Everyone feels a little darkness now and then
I'll pick myself up
And begin again 

Sunday, January 6, 2019

Frost Laden Hitches

The sun slowly rises
And the frost on the ground
Sparkles and dances
As we drive around

Watch the leaves fall
So thickly it's like rain
Showering me in dirt
My smile reflected in the windowpane 

The sky's such a pretty hue
Seen from far away
Smile, won't you
Though we never play

Getting stronger throughout 
Just not my resolution 
Hands stained with dirt
Landscape covered in litter and pollution 

Blisters on my feet
Pimples on my face
Hitches in my plans 
Trying to find my place

But I'll smile and laugh
At little things I like
The sparkling ground
A frost laden hitch, roof, bike

Standing on covered porches
While leaves shower down
Smiling at strangers
So long as they don't frown

Riding in the back of trucks
Cold wind pushing on my skin
Driving backwards on sidewalks
Seeing where I've been

Don't know exactly where I'm going
Hardly know where I was
But I suppose that's okay
Because, who really does?