Saturday, March 28, 2020

Volatile Sentiments

I don't feel like writing
But there's not much else to do
Story of my life -
Ridiculously short, it's true

I opened the curtains
To let the sun in
The clouds opposed this plan
Guess there's not much chance I'll win

I thought I needed some space
From everything for awhile
Now I'm here alone -
I so miss your smile

I suppose it doesn't matter
With all that's going on
And I suppose it's true -
You only love something once it's gone

I'll try to keep occupied
To stop feeling disconcerted
I'll ignore the implication
That all the progress reverted

I know this room too well
I know every chip and every stain
It whispers of past mistakes
All the times I didn't feel completely sane

I won't listen to the voices -
I've got my music on
I'll struggle forward
Though the past is never gone

I'll drown out the silence -
We stopped being friends long ago
And I haven't attempted
To reconcile the relationship, so . . .

So I guess this is it -
This is life for awhile
Losing some progress
But I won't lose my smile

Because I opened the curtains
And looked to the sky
And though clouds obscured the sun
The silver linings were there to get me by

Wednesday, March 25, 2020


I'm not quite sure what to say
All my thoughts never crystallized
Time keeps on slipping away
How is it I'm still surprised?

Time's entwined in all of it
But tell me - what was it for?
Five years later and nothing's changed
I'm still so very unsure

My memories are written here
Every high and every low
Hidden behind every line
Everything I used to know

They're not always easily seen -
It's all a slight guise
I'm not always coherent -
My thoughts never crystallize

And five years ago, when I started
Did I ever think I'd go this long?
I have no reason to continue
But stopping would feel so wrong

I'll just keep going, on and on
With no real reason why
With arbitrary deadlines and few readers
I'll continue getting lost in the deep sky

Because here in the deep -
I bathe in truths and lies
Drowning in thoughts and emotions
That never crystallize

And here in the deep -
I'm in too deep to ever leave
My memories are preserved here
So I don't have to cleave

Here my past selves speak to me
Offering old wisdoms I forgot
Here I learn of my present self
And everything I am not

Here I'm what I make of me
In these abstract skies
Here I know just what to say
Though my thoughts never crystallize 

Sunday, March 15, 2020


I'm bathing in memories -
I remember you
And the feeling of the wind
Always rushing through

Tousling my hair
Brush it from my face
Open and absolute
Nothing to hide or erase

Tell me every thought
That's trapped in your head
Explain every feeling
All you hope and what you dread

Talk until I feel at home -
It won't take long
Smile until I forget
All the things I ever got wrong

Hold me with your words
With arms that you spoke
While my words for once
Don't cause me to choke

But now I'm choking on memories -
Because I remember you
And the feeling of goodbye
Everything we put each other through

Spilling tears
Brush them from your face
Explain once more
The steps I don't want to retrace

I'll distance myself
Trap the feelings in my head
Focused on what went wrong
Lost in what was left unsaid

Someday you'll be a thing of my past -
It didn't take long
Breathing for a moment
But the memory's still strong

Because little things remind me
And the days evoke
And hold me with the words
That I never spoke

I'll bathe in these memories -
Watch them all play through
I remember the feeling of the wind
And I remember you

Sunday, March 1, 2020

Doing Well

I'd talk forever if you let me
     My words falling on deaf ears
Mine are tired of my own words
    Yours heed only tears

Talk to me - I am not doing well
     Hold me close once more
I'm selfish and I need you
     Echoing voices in my head, a constant war

Reality has gone so bleak
     Always pulling me from my dreams
Everlasting marching days
     Darling, they're tearing my seams

Don't ignore me now -
     I can't hear myself without you
Over the noise of my own hurt
     Suffocating under everything I ever knew

Forgetting it all, I sank -
     I let the darkness eat the light
Memories rattling round my head
     Numb or in pain, I fade into the night

You took my hand then left me here
     My head is in my own hell
Open wide and feel the fire
     You promised to catch me as I fell

Won't you keep your word?
     Only, dear, you're making me nervous
Nowhere to be seen now
     Would you say I deserve this?

Will you ever come back to me?
     No - the hope must surely fade
Over it all, if only -
     Holding onto the mistakes I made

Remind me once more - who am I?
     Echos surrounded me as I fell
Dear, I'm tired of these words
     Listen to me!  I am not doing well

Surely, surely you'll come back- Come back- Come back- Come-
     Listen . . . That's the sound of hell