Ashes

Just trying to find some normalcy
Just trying to recognize these eyes
These harsh tones and sharp words
Cut until happiness dies

I'll be the sealed lips in the corner
Wearing a brave face and a hoodie
Like a child's safety blanket
Wrapped twice around me

Isolated as I am
With frost covered lashes
I know this isn't about me
But I'm crumbling to ashes

When has it ever been?
Never caused a moments worry
Bitten nails and tongues
The words become blurry

These things are true but I'm a liar
How are you to know?
Can't you read me like these words?
Fooled so long by my show

Trying to get a grip
You turn to smoke before my eyes
Grasping at air
Turning to ash as the fire dies

I need someone to hold me
But I flinch at your touch
I need you to hear me
But I don't talk much

I'm just crumbling now
I'll put myself back together soon
You have more important things to worry about
And I want to be a boon

But I listen to music when I'm upset
And lately I've heard too many songs
And I feel so helpless
Unable to right these wrongs

Can't you be the firm hand on my shoulder?
Raising me up when I fall down?
Can't you say you're proud of me?
Giving you no reason to frown

Because I don't want this to be normal anymore
But you don't recognize my eyes
And I've always managed without you
So like a lonesome phoenix, watch me rise 

Burn

Head bobbing
Mind fuzzy
Eyes starring
Rather blankly

Half listening
Don't you know
Hands clapping
Enjoy the show

Got to get out of the rhythm
The structure I put myself in
It all looks the same
Grimace or grin

I'd scream if I weren't
So darned concerned
Hands in my pockets
So they've never been burned

Far too many now
It won't ever quit
Forced into a structure
Such an easy fit

Such a good girl
Such an easy child
So helpful and truthful
So smart and so mild

So over it all
So tired of caring
About the words on my lips
And the expressions I'm wearing

So tired of myself
I can see it on my face
When I look in the mirror
I've fallen from my own grace

Head banging
Eyes shut
Edges fraying
Strings cut

Never listening
Bitten tongue
Tastes nothing
Blackened lung

Still stuck in the rhythm
The routine, the mold
It all looks the same
Stuck frozen in the cold

I'll scream some day
Stop being so concerned
Won't bore myself til death
Still . . . my hands have never been burned