Dawn

Such a strange mix of emotions

I can't sort them out

To translate into words

That'll let anyone know what I'm talking about

Other's words work better

Mine just don't fit

Because "all I do is get over you

And I'm still so bad at it"

I just keep scribbling out sentences

None of them are quite right

I keep convincing myself I'm fine

But I don't really sleep at night

Yet I can't shake this feeling

That everything will be okay

That it all was necessary and worth it

And, despite what some may say -

You were worth the struggle

And all the heartache

Just for a moment, we were meant for each other

And I can't view any of it as a mistake

That's why the emotions are so confusing 

I hurt so much, and not at all

It's not a numbness or an apathy

Just a tidal wave of thought through which I fall

"And it shall never end

For when we return to the dust we are

The love we shared will be sung

For all the endless ages to come by every star

And if we meet once again

We'll take up the song so long forgone

To sing of bliss forevermore"

But the stars fade with the dawn

I know I shouldn't think of you anymore

But I still worry about you, dear

I've always wanted you to be happy

Much more than I've needed you here

And I know I shouldn't write about you anymore

And should really try not to care

But I still listen to your playlists

And, partly just to spite you, I chopped off all my hair

You left a bookmark in one of my books

And a five year plan in my journal

And I don't know what to do with them

Harder still are the remnants that are internal

But everything returns to dust, so "that is all for the moment

Until next time - until then, do not worry"

Take a deep breath, let it go, and watch it all fade

As the first light of dawn reaches out to warm me

Tertiary Corollary

We almost had it this time
Echoing in my heart and mind

Shivering down my spine

How my thoughts tend to replay and rewind

Always figured we were meant to be

Laughing at the impossibility 

Lingering with your arms around me

Doubting still our durability

Reality has never measured up

Or we never let it

What's changed exactly?

Now are we simply desperate?

Or have we come to realize

Reality just doesn't make sense -

Really, unless we're together

Earnestly, I don't know if that's a pretense

After everything we've been through

Choosing to try to all again

Has me so very worried

Still, the possible good outweighs the possible pain

Hope is such a dangerous thing

Offering my heart in favor of it

Risking so much believing that

Echoing worries won't cause us to quit

Trying so hard to believe it

Oh, I want to, I do

Give me some time

Echos will fade - shall they outlast you?

Truly, I've always felt we're meant to be

How you've challenged that conviction 

Even though you felt it too

Risking once more valediction 

Don't give up on us, dear

Endeavor to hang on this time

And I'll hold you in my heart always

Remnants of you in every word that I rhyme

Little Moments In Time

Loaded with opinions
Ingrained with notions
Take it all away
Towered over by emotions

Little did we know

Endeavored still to seem

Mindful, knowledgeable

Owned still by a dream

Mistakes piling up

Echos fading in and out

Notions flying through the air

Tortured by such doubt

Softly try to remain

In a peaceful state

Nurturing your smile

Tracing and pondering our fate

In time, this time -

Make what you will of it

End, begin, repeat - just never forget

Polished

You seem to be trying
Only, dear, I doubt you'll succeed
Understand, I can't be disillusioned
Dreams are all I really need

I'll watch you fade away -
Don't even think of coming back
Never going to care myself -
Only, I feel a tad under attack

Take another chance -
Endure every silly mistake
Valiantly bear each disappointment
Each tearful eye and every heartache

Notorious as it feels
Like some awful pattern
All I really ask is -
Stay and watch the world turn

Turns out you're all the same
And that's not what I want
Surrounded by fire and brimstone
Like demons, they try to daunt

Only, dear, you don't scare me
Never have before
Go and miss your chance
And I'll not ask for anything more

Still, it goes so quickly
My nail polish lasts longer
You chip away so easily
Not I - I'm made of something stronger

All I really ask is -
Is don't be so unnecessary
Leave behind something
Pointlessly, I become wary

Only, dear, you'll never succeed
Life can't dispel my smile
I'll watch the world turn
Staying myself all the while

Hold on tight and watch me go out in style 

Sunlight

Coldness nipping at my toes
Sun shining on my skin
Forgot how much I missed this
Once more, let me begin -

Forgive all I dislike
Release every silly plan
All the moments I tried to cling to
And all the times I ran

I've been drowning out the silence
And shutting out the snow
Been denying all my thoughts
Trying not to let the feelings show

But they poked through my skin
Red dots peppering my hand
Hold them so they don't shake
While I try to prove I understand

Been waiting for something to happen
Surely, this couldn't last forever
I'll try to enjoy it while it's here
Watch all the old notions sever

I'll bask in sunlight and shiver
I'll watch the world pass by
I'll not forget to breathe
Lying quietly under the sky

Though I never really know
It's nice to pretend
That there's certainty in life
And everything will mend

None of that matters anymore
Time washed away it's meaning
We'll find new things to fret over
The past only occasionally intervening

I'll forgive myself a million times
But it's all imprinted on my skin
I'll relax and cleanse my mind
Once more, let me begin -

As For Me

The lonely in-between 
For those who never quite belong
In this place or the other

It all feels slightly wrong

As for me, all I want

When it all boils away

Is consistency in myself

And for everything to be okay

But myself, it denies me

Such simplicity of life

And life, it refuses

To be without strife

In between who I am

And what it is you see

Is the idea that I act

The way I think you see me

And I like me the most

When seen through your eyes

Are they rose-colored still?

Have I lost my disguise?

As for me, all I have

At the end of the day

Is a million racing thoughts

And not a whole lot to say

In this in-between

Where it's not one thing nor the other

Your smile means nothing to me

But I'm dying to see another

And nobody quite fits

Not one is like the rest

And no one knows the truth

After everything I've confessed 

It's all ambiguous and vague

Because nothing's absolute

We're all unique and yet the same

So very fickle and resolute 

As for me, I'm in the in-between

Where all of us reside

I'm not quite sure where we're going

But I'll enjoy the ride

Unified

Tonight, let's watch the world fade
Hold me and forget
Everything worrying you
Reality - let's take a break from it

Enjoying the moment
And the feeling of your hand
Resting in mine
Earnestly feeling you understand

Talk to me and remember
How we truly feel
I'll remember eternally
Nothing ever felt so real

Get lost in conversation
Stay until we're found
I'll find who you truly are
We'll still stay here safe and sound

And I used to feel so cold
Now you keep me warm
Talking slowly
Til the right words form

Or we can lay in near silence
Softly whispering your name
And I used to be so cold -
You set my heart aflame

Tonight, let's watch the world fade
Or watch ours take shape instead
Your hand resting in mine
Our whole lives ahead
Unified by all the words we ever said 

The Days That Never Came

Daydreams swirl around me
Remembering the days that never came
Enjoy pondering the possibility
Agitated that reality will never be the same

Memories that never were
Softly invade my head
Oscillate between my thoughts
Focused on words never actually said

Me and you, in an alternate world
Elated with no end
Me and you, what could have been
Only possible in the pretend

Reality attempts to dispel -
I continue dreaming
Endeavors to disenchant me -
Still, my thoughts are gleaming

Tomorrow, perhaps, I'll give it up
Haven't had the heart to yet
Agitating as it is -
Troubled me since the day we met

Never could get you out of my head
Endings haven't stopped you
Visiting my dreams so often
Enjoy the notions, and hate them too

Recalling a future that never was -
Wishes that reality will forever disclaim
Endeavoring to give them up, they
Remain through ice and flame

Echoing the days that never came

The Cost

I'll watch the sun set
Darkness slowly moving in
Over the land and through the sky
Night sinking into my skin

Once upon a midnight thought
Thinking of anything but you
Wishing on the stars
And everything else I'm supposed to do

Nature whispers in my ear
Tonight, we'll just forget
Tonight, we'll be at peace
Only, I must let go of everything sunlit

Tomorrow, we'll worry again
Hurry to finish it all
I don't care anymore
No - tonight, we can watch the rain fall

Killing time til I die
Always waiting for the stars to shine
Bathing in moonlight and thoughts
Opaque notions I can't define

Understanding everything
Tonight, I don't care
Yesterday, nothing made sense
Or vice versa, lying there

Until the starlight fills the air
All my thoughts will swirl
Near enough to touch now
You can watch me unfurl

Midnight will bring serenity
Opaque memories I'll leave behind
Rushing time will bring perspective
Eventually, I'll get you off my mind

Day turns to night - present becomes past
Each moment is slowly lost
And pain is the price of life sometimes
Really, it's not such an unreasonable cost

Echos

I ran out of things to say
How many words ago?
All the thoughts kept pouring out
Tighten my grip - go with their flow

Eyes are windows to the soul -
Tell me, what happens when we cry?
Has your soul dripped out yet?
Empty as a clear sky

What if I catch your tears
And hold them in my palm?
You can let go of the pain
I'll keep it until things calm

Loosen my grip - try to think
Of anything else at all
Vicious cycles circle the air
Enjoying everything but the fall

Turn up the music - turn off my brain
Humming memories flow
Echoing through every note
Warm feelings start to grow

And then it turned to bitter cold
You shiver too, I bet . . . I think
Ice grows so quickly
Told myself not to blink

How many words to go?
Useless amounts spiral out
Rolling off your tongue no more
Tightened lips full of doubt

Shiver - tremble - hold my tears
Well them up in my eyes
Has my soul dripped out yet?
Empty as a smiling guise

Notes still seep between my ears
I'll keep them until I'm calm
Listening to my memories
I'll feel your fingers in my palm

Silly tunes that always bring
Thoughts of your eyes - hands - smile
Enjoy them - hate them - need them
Needlessly torturing myself for awhile

Tighten my grip and try to think
Of anything else at all
I'll still allow them to replay
Til all the stars fall

Render

I suppose I might drown
Suppose I'm just a fool
I'll render and melt down
Into a flowing pool
Of passion and remorse
Time always takes its course
I'll evaporate
You can breathe me in and out
Back and forth again like your doubt
Leave it up to fate

I watched you as you left
Never asked you to stay
Now I'm feeling bereft
Lacking a smile today
Forever lacking you
Are you lacking me too?
Won't you let me know
If I ever cross your mind?
Forever wishing we could rewind
Time's persistent flow

It's getting late again
Darling, it's been so long
Still feeling all the pain
How did things go so wrong
When it always felt so right
Holding you in the night -
Do you remember
The way you set my heart ablaze?
Now I've spent so many days
Dousing each ember

And now I've grown so cold
You've gone so far away
Darling, I feel so old
Watching our edges fray
Time continues its course
Flows from an unknown source
It evaporates
Like everything we've ever said
Someday it's bound to leave my head
Helpless to the fates

You rendered me helpless
I rendered you a fool
Now I'm missing your kiss
Melting into a pool
I suppose I might drown
Rendering, I melt down
Dousing each ember
That used to blaze so brightly
Back when you said you couldn't even breathe without me
. . . Do you remember?

Petrichor

I want nothing - I want everything
I want life with no pain
I'll ponder a void eternity
Drowning in a dry rain

"I saw God in a point"
Life is pointless and void
Void of context and meaning
Built only to be destroyed

I'll piece it all together
Life's the biggest puzzle of all
Spanning a lifetime
The pieces are so intricate and small

"We know what we are
But know not what we may be"
I'm not who I once was
But I'm still somehow me

I'll grab notions from the air
Can't you see them flying about?
They sneak in through your mouth
Cause me such doubt

"Is thy strait horizon dreary?
Is thy foolish fancy chill?"
I'll attempt to lose my fantasies
But I doubt I ever will

I'll flip through all of these
Endless scribbled pages
I'll lose myself in passing fancies
And life's varied stages

"Let us forget with generosity
Those who cannot love us"
I'll forgive you if you can't
Perhaps I am superfluous

I'll marvel at all the sensations
And the disasters in the sun
I'll fret over a million possible lives
But only ever lead one

"We are nothing more than the memories we keep"
What do we keep them for?
I want none of them - I want all of them
Ponder my eternity - drown in petrichor

With scents swirling around me
And the sense of life ever veiled
I'll alleviate the rain
And all the false notions I've inhaled

Drainage

What am I supposed to say?
Tell me who to be
I've lost myself to circling notions
I've lost myself in me

Tell me what you like
Give me a space to fill
I'll conform to the shape
Bend to your will

I'm empty and I'm broken
I fill and it leaks out
Refill with something new
Try to lose the doubt

Fill me with your thoughts
Give me opinions to fight for
Give me something to believe in
Give it all - give me more

Broken still - it spills so fast
I suppose I'm just a shell
Glue the pieces back together
So no one can tell

My skin peels away
Though I try to keep it on
No need to display my innards
Or the empty space now they're gone

My smile falters
With no muscles left to force it
I'll glue that on too
So it's a perfect fit

I'm being too honest again
My hands begin to shake
I'm emptying out again
Trying to forget the heartache

After it all, I know
You'll want a happy end
But all the glue has dried
And I can no longer bend

Stuck frozen as I am
Constantly filling as I drain
Lost in myself
I'll write until I go insane

So watch me empty out once more
Put all my innards on display
Fill with something new
Now what am I supposed to say?

Tumultuous Tides

These feelings are hard to hold onto
Like grasping at sea foam
Joy used to last much longer
With you, everywhere felt like home

I watch the waves roll in
Watch the tide recede
Feel the laughter spill out
Feel my heart bleed

The sand between my toes
Burns the bottoms of my feet
The tightness in my chest
Mutes my heartbeat

The sun heats my skin
The wind tousles my hair
I attempt to convince myself
That I no longer care

The icy waters freeze me
The sunset might make me smile
Because time always insists
That I'll be fully happy in awhile

And though I know I told you
I always want honesty
I could really use a lie right now
So promise you'll remember me

Though time insists
That we'll both forget
I continue to wonder
If we're a lost possibility we'll always regret

But I'm just being dramatic
None of it meant anything at all
I watch the tides roll in
Watch the waves fall

Hear their eternal crashing
Tumultuous white noise in my ears
Water drops splash my face
Like your goodbye tears

Will you regret it eternally?
And will I ever find home?
But I'm just a lost possibility
And you're just some lines in a poem

Weathered

The air is thick
With the heat of the sun
It clings to my skin
As if I'm the only one
It shall ever love
And ever need
I try to cool down
But I shan't succeed
For though I sweat
And pant and sigh
Love comes burning
From the empty sky

I ask for clouds
Perhaps some rain
My skin turns red
For love is pain
Finally the sky
Gives in and cries
The clouds come in
And my love dies
The sun is lost
There goes the heat
I watch the water
Drown my feet

It cools my skin
Comes up to my waist
I shiver and tremble
Not liking the taste
I long for the sun
Beg the sky, "Please"
The rain turns to snow
I start to freeze
Surrounded by flakes
They bury my head
I'd reach imploringly towards the sky
But I'm already dead

And then the snow melts
And washes away
The clouds disperse
And the sun sends down a ray
It touches my body
Thaws my skin
But it matters not
For even when
The sun comes back
With all its might
I'll fade away
Into the limpid night

Rooftop

Lacking inspiration
Or a single original thought
Why should I write anything at all?
Then again, why ever not?

I went searching for silver-linings
And got a sunburn
Attempted to find adventure
Along with something to learn

Because there need always
Be a lesson in it
Or else, what's it all for?
I knew once, but now I forget . . .

My hands are strong and calloused
You called them soft and smooth
My mouth is blunt and honest
For you it would smile and soothe

Isn't that nice?
How nice I could be?
Only, most days I'm not
Instead, I'm just me

Isn't that interesting?
How often we fail
At being who we want to -
But for another time, that's a tale

Do I sound clever yet?
Thoughts spinning in my head
Isn't it so not subtle?
From a silver platter, I've spoon-fed

Never been one to flirt with meaning -
Bite my lip and smile shyly
I'll shout my intentions from the rooftop -
Write with complete honesty

But honestly, who cares?
Only me, and not for long
I'll spin it around in my head
Until I become calloused and strong

Why should I write anything at all?
And why ever should I not?
I'll watch the sunbeams scatter
Like my train of thought

Strange Familiarity

Shall I be overly dramatic today?
Perhaps not, just for a change
The scenery remains
So familiar, yet newly strange

That's the way of life
Everything suddenly going south
That's just the way I am
Too many words stuck in my mouth

The end of forever
Feels like so long ago
Yet I'm just beginning
There's so much I still don't know

A whole year gone and gained
Past sounds echoing through
Stuck in an age neither young nor old
Constantly finding and losing myself too

And where did all the time go?
It left with such speed
Always feeling so rushed
Yet the days are a slow bleed

And nothing's going to be the same
That was my proclamation
My small world kept growing
With no explanation

And so much has happened
It's been my busiest year
And so much has changed
Though I'm still right here

I've changed, and I'm still me
So familiar, yet newly strange
Traded old thoughts for new experiences
It's been a formative exchange

That's the way of life
Sometimes things go south
Eighteen was a trying year -
I still have a smile playing across my mouth

And too many words
Bleeding through my hands
And malleable scenery
With a nineteenth year's worth of plans

The Empty Space Accumulated

Tell me, if I swear to be honest -
Honestly, would you promise to be kind?
Echos of past sentiments
Echos I can't get out of my mind

Moving further from me
Pulled your hand from mine
Told of future dreams
Yet our fates shan't intertwine

Sweet nothings that meant everything
Pleasing words that now sting
Afflictions that I wouldn't -
Couldn't give up for anything

Endeavored to be oblivious
And pretended there was a chance
Challenged the end, though inevitable
Clinging to our bittersweet dance

Undone as I am -
Memories pulling at my skin
Unable still to regret them
Lured onward by what might have been

Although you promised to be kind -
Traced my fingers and made me feel validated -
Emptiness still stretched between us -
Dividing always, the empty space accumulated

~

The Empty Space Between Us

Static

I'll try to make you understand
With words so emphatic
I'll try to think coherently
But my head is full of static

White noise surrounds me
Static fills my bones
The ghost of electricity
Howls between these unknowns

It's all a bit deafening
It's all a bit much
For me to handle today
Drowning in thoughts and such

I could learn to swim
Only, inertia rules these halls
Apathy occupies the rooms
Memories rattle inside the walls

How could they not?
This is the abode
Of past selves and their mistakes
All set to implode

They seep in through my ears
And in through my eyes
Wrap me in sleepless nights
And empty skies


I can't make you understand
Truth is so varied and problematic
I'll try to move forward
But everything is static

Frozen eyes stare down at me
Inertia holds my frame
Thoughts swirl around me
Yet everything remains the same

It's all a bit sickening
It's all a bit dead
With the knowledge that one day
It'll just be another thing someone said

I could try to forget
That death shrouds it all
That time fades away
The ghosts in my wall

But how could I succeed?
This is our curse
To craft our lives and selves
Knowing it will all someday disperse

To worry and fret
Over stillness, mistakes, and lies
For such a short time
Until we return to the skies


I'll never fully understand
A life so motionless yet erratic
I'll try to be coherent for now
Though my words are filled with static 

Heartbeat

I heard your heart beating

Hugging you so tight

Ear pressed against your chest

Arms around me - it felt so right

Right now, I'm missing you

Don't really want to anymore

Yet, neither do I want to forget

Only, what was it all for?

Understand so little these days

Really, I've lost my head

Head - no, more my heart

Enthralled with everything you ever said

And I'd like it back, if you could

Really, I must protest

To you keeping it so long

Because, now, it belongs in my chest

Endings hurt like nothing else

And we've played them on repeat

Though it feels harsh -

I need this final end to be complete 

Not that it even really helps -

God knows, I still miss your heartbeat

Valediction

I'm trying to understand
All my racing thoughts
Make them into something coherent
Straighten out all the knots

Only, emotions get in the way
Racing hearts interrupt
Rambling words bathe my head
You always did manage to disrupt

I liked how you confused me
Didn't I know how it would end?
Only, when with you, I forgot
Now our hearts will just have to mend

Only, I still don't want
To lose you, you know
Put each other through a ridiculous amount
Ridiculous . . . I have to let you go

And I want to apologize -
You tend to take all the blame
Though I'm just as at fault -
Hope is a two player game

And I forgive you for it all -
Tainted love and varying conviction
We knew we'd never work -
Although your hope was my favorite fiction

You and I were but a dream, and now we must wake to valediction

See You Soon

All the canceled plans
Shall pile to the moon
All the catch-you-later's
And every see-you-soon

And I'll regret not trying sooner
Not telling you when I thought -
"Wouldn't it be nice to see them?"
Because now I simply cannot

And that's a bit sad
To have the option snatched away
Though I may have never chosen it -
I'd save it for a rainy day

But it's raining now
And I miss you, you know
I've never been one to crave
Solitude or snow

And it's cold, all alone
And the rain will crystallize
And cover the ground
And fill the skies


And all the things left unsaid
Shall pile to the sun
All the bitten tongues
Shall turn to ash, one by one

And I'll regret not speaking sooner
Not saying what I thought
Not telling you the truth
Because now I simply cannot

And that's a bit sad
To have the ability snatched away
Though I may have never used it
To show my heart with the words I say

But it's snowing now . . .
And I love you, you know
I've never been one to profess it
Always trying not to let the feelings show

But it's cold without you
And all my thoughts of you crystallize
And invade my heart
And fill my eyes


And all the heartfelt smiles
Shall pile to the moon
And connect us for eternity
I hope . . . I'll see you soon

Volatile Sentiments

I don't feel like writing
But there's not much else to do
Story of my life -
Ridiculously short, it's true

I opened the curtains
To let the sun in
The clouds opposed this plan
Guess there's not much chance I'll win

I thought I needed some space
From everything for awhile
Now I'm here alone -
I so miss your smile

I suppose it doesn't matter
With all that's going on
And I suppose it's true -
You only love something once it's gone

I'll try to keep occupied
To stop feeling disconcerted
I'll ignore the implication
That all the progress reverted

I know this room too well
I know every chip and every stain
It whispers of past mistakes
All the times I didn't feel completely sane

I won't listen to the voices -
I've got my music on
I'll struggle forward
Though the past is never gone

I'll drown out the silence -
We stopped being friends long ago
And I haven't attempted
To reconcile the relationship, so . . .

So I guess this is it -
This is life for awhile
Losing some progress
But I won't lose my smile

Because I opened the curtains
And looked to the sky
And though clouds obscured the sun
The silver linings were there to get me by

Crystallize

I'm not quite sure what to say
All my thoughts never crystallized
Time keeps on slipping away
How is it I'm still surprised?

Time's entwined in all of it
But tell me - what was it for?
Five years later and nothing's changed
I'm still so very unsure

My memories are written here
Every high and every low
Hidden behind every line
Everything I used to know

They're not always easily seen -
It's all a slight guise
I'm not always coherent -
My thoughts never crystallize

And five years ago, when I started
Did I ever think I'd go this long?
I have no reason to continue
But stopping would feel so wrong

I'll just keep going, on and on
With no real reason why
With arbitrary deadlines and few readers
I'll continue getting lost in the deep sky

Because here in the deep -
I bathe in truths and lies
Drowning in thoughts and emotions
That never crystallize

And here in the deep -
I'm in too deep to ever leave
My memories are preserved here
So I don't have to cleave

Here my past selves speak to me
Offering old wisdoms I forgot
Here I learn of my present self
And everything I am not

Here I'm what I make of me
In these abstract skies
Here I know just what to say
Though my thoughts never crystallize 

Immersion

I'm bathing in memories -
I remember you
And the feeling of the wind
Always rushing through

Tousling my hair
Brush it from my face
Open and absolute
Nothing to hide or erase

Tell me every thought
That's trapped in your head
Explain every feeling
All you hope and what you dread

Talk until I feel at home -
It won't take long
Smile until I forget
All the things I ever got wrong

Hold me with your words
With arms that you spoke
While my words for once
Don't cause me to choke


But now I'm choking on memories -
Because I remember you
And the feeling of goodbye
Everything we put each other through

Spilling tears
Brush them from your face
Explain once more
The steps I don't want to retrace

I'll distance myself
Trap the feelings in my head
Focused on what went wrong
Lost in what was left unsaid

Someday you'll be a thing of my past -
It didn't take long
Breathing for a moment
But the memory's still strong

Because little things remind me
And the days evoke
And hold me with the words
That I never spoke


I'll bathe in these memories -
Watch them all play through
I remember the feeling of the wind
And I remember you

Doing Well

I'd talk forever if you let me
     My words falling on deaf ears
Mine are tired of my own words
    Yours heed only tears

Talk to me - I am not doing well
     Hold me close once more
I'm selfish and I need you
     Echoing voices in my head, a constant war

Reality has gone so bleak
     Always pulling me from my dreams
Everlasting marching days
     Darling, they're tearing my seams

Don't ignore me now -
     I can't hear myself without you
Over the noise of my own hurt
     Suffocating under everything I ever knew

Forgetting it all, I sank -
     I let the darkness eat the light
Memories rattling round my head
     Numb or in pain, I fade into the night

You took my hand then left me here
     My head is in my own hell
Open wide and feel the fire
     You promised to catch me as I fell

Won't you keep your word?
     Only, dear, you're making me nervous
Nowhere to be seen now
     Would you say I deserve this?

Will you ever come back to me?
     No - the hope must surely fade
Over it all, if only -
     Holding onto the mistakes I made

Remind me once more - who am I?
     Echos surrounded me as I fell
Dear, I'm tired of these words
     Listen to me!  I am not doing well

Surely, surely you'll come back- Come back- Come back- Come-
     Listen . . . That's the sound of hell

Dust to Dust

Tonight, let's watch our world burn
Holding the flame in my hand
Open, spilt, and empty
Ubiquitous across the land

Gave it all up and away
Holding onto everything you ever said
Alas, it all fell through my fingers
Though attached, I lost my head

Tomorrow, let's scatter the ashes
And leave them in the past
Cast the sentiment away
Holding onto the dreams we amassed

Endeavor to let them go
Dust to dust, they fade
I'll cling to the remnants
Losing most everything we made

Open, spilt, and empty
Shifting through the remains
Though found, I lost my way
My memory wanes

Yesterday we built it all
Held it in our hand
Endeavor now to let it go
Alas, watch it all disband
Dust to dust, it returns to the land

The Empty Space Between Us

Tell me, if I swear to be honest -
Honestly, would you promise to be kind?
Empty space between us -
Eternity, and so much to find

Moving closer to me
Put your hand in mine
Trace my fingers with yours
Yet they'll never intertwine

Softly, try to close the space
Perhaps it wasn't meant to be
After all of our movement
Couldn't quite bridge the empty

Endeavor to be oblivious -
Bottle up your pain
Echo back the overused phrases -
There's only rainbows after rain . . .

We'll never bridge the space between us
Emptiness will forever separate
Enjoyed fooling myself for awhile
Nonsensical notions we fabricate

Unchallenged and inevitable -
See the space between us accumulate

~

The Empty Space Accumulated

Here

In this place where I'm so scared of making noise
I'll watch the people, full of grace and poise
Watch how they move their hands and feet
To the ever-present silent beat

Sometimes I think I'm the only one who hears it
This music that pushes and pulls so loudly I could never forget
Sometimes I think I'm the only one who does not
That everyone else is surrounded by a symphony I forgot

Either way, I watch them all, sitting in their chairs
Oblivious to each other's worries and cares
And I wonder about the universe in each one's head
And if I'll traverse all of mine before I am dead


And in this place where I'm so scared of being seen
I'll see nothing at all, unsure of what it could mean
Invisible, we all avoid each other's gaze
Isolated, focused on our own ways

And the air is full of little flakes of snow
Who never question where they must go
Or what they must do or who they should be
With grace, they accept the fact of gravity

And the room is full of familiar faces
Come together from far off places
And no one's sure of anyone's name
And no one bothers to ask why they all came


And in this place of strangers and quiet
I'm dancing too - invisible, I sit
For a moment to myself in a familiar dance
With no risk, no worries, no noise, no chance

With a scribbling pen in my hand
Focused only on things I understand
And the feel of paper between my fingers
Exhaling forcefully so none of it lingers

And I should study more and I should smile
But here I escape it all for awhile
For a moment of peace, and to watch the snow
And to forget about everywhere I must go


Because in this place where I'm so scared of making noise
I'm at one with the distance, silence, and poise
And there's nowhere I must go and nothing I must do
Only soft chairs, large windows, and aisles of books to skim through

From Time To Time

I've run out of answers
It's not a hard thing to do
I'll shrug my shoulders
And take a moment to breathe too

All I have are questions
Ringing in my head
All I am is a collection of experiences
And old thoughts I try to shed

From time to time I wonder -
Will I ever be something more
Than who I am today
And who I was before?

To think of all the people I have been
And all I will be
Begs the question: where is the end of them
And the start of me?

I feel I change so much day to day
But not at all year to year
I'm caught in an endless circle
And I don't know how to get out of here

From time to time I wonder -
Just who am I anyway?
Am I who I want to be?
Is everything okay?

Am I worse or better off
After all the stress?
Did I put myself together correctly
Or make a bigger mess?

If I could, would I restart?
Erase all I'm holding onto?
Wash the gray from my hair
And from my heart too

From time to time I decide -
Everything truly is okay
Though I've run out of answers
I don't mind being made of questions anyway