Angels Crying Out

Do you hear the angels?
Can you see their light?
Or can you not hear
Watching the bombs blast bright?

Can you hear the children singing
Or are they just crying out?
Can you dream of tomorrow
Or is there too much to doubt?

I can hear the angels
I can see their light
In the brave smile of a stranger
As we cower in the shelter through the night

I can start the children singing
Make there not so much to doubt
Even with the darkness surrounding us
The light of the children singing can get us out

The children are like angels
Can't you see the light?
As the bombs go off around them
Their souls fly away in the night

And those of us who live
Those who make it out
Wonder why they survived instead
And mourn and cry and shout

The children join the angels
And they send down their light
And try to keep everyone safe
As the bombs blast on through the night

As war continues to surround us
We wonder how we'll ever make it out
And pray to be spared
But feel such doubt

One way or another it will end
We will all join the angels some day and get that light
But maybe, just maybe
It won't have to be tonight

Lost

I'm screaming and not making a sound
Flying with my feet stuck on the ground
Staying but not hanging around
I am lost

I'm running and trapped in one place
Living a life full of disgrace
Lost without a trace
I am here

I'm wishing myself away
Not sure if I can find a yesterday
Right here I continue to stay
I am lost

You're listening and not hearing me
Screaming at myself to get free
Lost and trapped with no key
I am here

All I can do is disrupt
This world is so very corrupt
If I stay here I may erupt
I'm still lost

I know but I don't understand
I cower and smile at your hand
Lost forever in this wonderland
I'm still here

My heart is up for sale
Because alone all I can do is fail
Trapped here in my head with no bail
I'm still lost

I'm lost and cowering in fear
Trying not to let go of a single tear
But maybe I won't always be weak and mere
Because through it all I'm still here

A Little Bird Called Time

  "Daddy?  Where does time go?"
Oh, honey, how should I know?
  "Does it blow away in the breeze?
  Could it ever freeze?"
Honey . . . it just goes away
It's how we manage to have a yesterday
Without it we wouldn't have a past
Or a present or future that could last
   "But why does it have to go away?
   Why does it never stay?"
I suppose it has somewhere to be
Maybe it goes and visits its family
   "Whose time's parents, then?
   Who could ever be time's kin?"
The moon and the stars, time goes up, up and away
Every night, we don't even realize it's not going to stay
But it comes back to us in memories
Stays with us for a while before going away in the breeze
Time passes by
In the blink of an eye
It never stops, can't ever be trapped, be shut-

   "Dad? What are you talking about, what?"
Didn't you just ask . . . Didn't you just say . . . ?
I swear you asked where time went just today
   "Dad . . . that was years and years ago
   Back when I was a child and didn't know
   Way back when
   I thought the stars were kin
   And all of winter was called December
   Way, way back when, Dad . . . remember?"
Oh, yes, I just forgot for a bit
The memory was so strong it made me forget
I'm sorry for the confusion, honey; I'm just tired
Work has been so hard lately; there's so much required-
   "Shh . . . quiet now; just rest
   No matter how muddled you get, you'll always be the best."
Oh, thank you, honey; your words are music to my ears
When raising a child . . . there are so many fears-

   "Mister? Are you okay?
   It's just . . . your daughter left the nursing home yesterday
   So may I ask who it is you're talking to?"
Oh . . . no one, no one; just the passing coo coo
A little bird that comes to my window before flying away in the breeze
The little bird that refuses to freeze . . .

A Fool's Lies

Something changed inside
You often got angry and even more often lied
Something flip-flopped
My heart got chopped
Into tiny little pieces
And now there's no way to smooth out the creases
Something was demolished
And the things that were once polished
Became cracked and worn
The skin became torn
The hair became gray
The teeth fell away
The back became bent
The stomach a dent
The eyes became sunken
The words that of a drunken
The only sound that of bickering
You've turned completely sickening

And yet . . . weren't you always this way?
And I've just not been able to see it until today?
You put on a mask and gave me a show
How was I to know
That it was all a lie
When you looked me straight in the eye
And said you'd love me forever?
And here I was thinking I was clever
Yet I was fooled by so simple a trick
I really must be thick
To have ever trusted you
You're completely untrue
. . .Was any of it real?
Or does it appeal
To you to break my heart?
You were lying straight from the start

But now that's in the past
I've found you out at last
So now I suggest you go
Before I give you a show
Of a sickening affair
About how I'll rip out your hair
And break your back
You're teeth crack
Make you eat your own lies
Gouge out your eyes
Cut off your head
Laugh when your dead
Grind you up and take a bow
If you do not leave right NOW.

A Reason To Bow

I have a question
About a certain frustration
You bring to me
By bringing death to everybody
I don't quite understand
Why both life and death come with your hand
Why give us life just to have us die?
Why bring so much sadness?  Why?

You create life and light and beauty
So why add death and darkness and cruelty?
You bring love and joy and laughter
So why can't we all live happily ever after?
Why the sadness and tears and frustration?
Why make us all want to quit and take a vacation?
Why add lies and deceit and flatter?
Why not hand us our lives on a silver platter?

So what if we wouldn't appreciate life as much?
So what if to happy memories we wouldn't clutch?
So what if we'd take it all for granted
So long as we could live a life enchanted?
Maybe we wouldn't be truly happy since we wouldn't know sadness
Maybe everything would turn bland, even our gladness
Maybe we wouldn't care about new life because we wouldn't know death
Maybe we'd waste our days away since we'd never take a last breath

Would it be worth it
Or because we could always try again later we'd always quit?
Would we have a better fate
To not die but live forever in a meandering state?
Everyone's so scared of dying, of death
But me . . . I don't care when comes my last breath
But I don't want to lose others, don't want anyone else to die
Don't want any more reasons to worry or cry

People die and yet life goes on
The sun will rise, even when we're all gone
Everyone must die someday
And I suppose that's okay
Because I'll cherish those around me, knowing they won't always be there
Someday they'll be gone, so I have more reasons to care
Because isn't death the reason we live?
Sort of like how the lack of things is the reason we give?
If plays lasted forever why would anyone have reason to bow?
Like if we lived forever . . . why would we do anything now?

Never Again

Is Some Day just a clever
Way of saying never?
Is a Maybe Later with a cough
Just a way to put me off?
Never Again you vow
But does that mean just not right now?

You make vows as quick as you break them
Going off on a whim
You buy pottery just to crack
You get pillows just to thwack
You have morals just to shake
You woo hearts just to break

Is your smile just a prop?
Can you even stop?
Or are you stuck
Trying to cover the muck
By sprinkling glitter and dazzling us with lights
So we think you've changed and forget all the fights

Well, I'm tired of you breaking my heart
I'm tired of having to restart
So no more tails of woe
To make us pity you and not make you go
No more dazzling lights
To fool us into thinking there'll be no more fights

Your ways are corrupt
Our lives you disrupt
Claiming you have a right
Just because on the outside you dazzle with light
Well, Never Again, I say
And for me that doesn't mean just not today

Silent

After it all
The rise and the fall
The smile and betrayal
The strong and the frail
The blue and the gray
I can still stand up and say
"I am unbroken."
But my thoughts remain unspoken
As I do not stand and speak
For fear of being viewed as a freak
So my thoughts remain in my head
Crashing down on me as I lie in bed
So I cannot be calm and sleep
Through my ears and eyes they creep
But not through my lips
For fear the scale tips
And everything goes crashing down
I dare not smile, nor frown
I dare not shake my head, nor nod
For I am just one of the cattle, and they wield the prod

They prod, punch, and thwack
But I do not crack
For even if my thoughts aren't spoken
I am unbroken
And shall remain to be
Until I can make it so the prod is wielded by me
And when the prod is in my hand
I shall not use it, for I understand
The pain it can bring
To any person or thing
The people it can break
The morals it can shake
And I shall mend those who have been broken
And give voice to those who remain unspoken
When I am the wielder the world will no longer be violent
But for now . . . I remain silent

The Same

Can you see
The blood in my eyes
Or do we all look the same
When we all look the other way
Can you hear
My pained cries
Or do we all sound the same
When you've turned your back away

Can you taste
All the lies
Or does it all taste the same
When you're the one who has to pay
Can you smell
The death in the skies
Or does it all smell the same
When you're going to die anyway

Can you feel
Their demise
Or does it all feel the same
When you're not okay
Can you think
Anything wise
Or is it all the same
When you've been a puppet all your day

You are alive
So won't you realize
That you don't have to be the same
When they aren't you can still be okay

Don't advert your eyes
Don't ignore their cries
Don't accept the lies
Look to the skies
And mourn their demise
Try to be wise
And help them realize
That they, too, can take the prize

Shining Eyes

Protect her
'Protect who?'
The small girl
With eyes of blue

Bring her home
'Where is she?'
In Who Knows Where
. . . away from me

Make her smile
'Why must I?'
I'm not there
So she may cry

'If she's so sad
Why did she go?'
She doesn't like
To be told no

What if
She's not okay
But I can't help her
From far away?

She's just a child
But she doesn't think so
I want to protect her
But where she is I don't know

So protect her for me
Make her smile
Because for her to be back
May take a while

Keep her safe
Without a tear in her eye
And when you see her next . . .
Don't bother asking why

Because I know why she left
But that doesn't change the fact
That even though I wanted her to stay
Her bags she packed . . .

Little blue eyed girl
Won't you come back home?
This dark earth
Is not a nice place to roam

Let your eyes shine
With happiness instead of tears
Even if far away
I'll love you all of my years

Just Might

I've never liked to say goodbye
Because in the end I always cry
And I can't seem to get it through my head
That after all the tears that I have shed
There's still more goodbyes to be said

I've never liked to talk at all
Because my mouth just makes me fall
And after all the apologies I have made
For doing things that hadn't been okayed
I'm still unable to repent from not having stayed

I've never liked to fall asleep
Because the shadows in my room seem to creep
The wind howls through the air
Eyes all around seem to stare
And I wonder if in the morning I'll still be there

I've never liked to walk alone
Without any aid or phone
So I'll stay locked up tight
Surrounded by light
So I might not fear the night

I've never liked to make a friend
Because then I'm just wondering when it will end
Because I know the friend will go away
In a year or in a day
And when they do . . . it won't feel okay

But goodbyes must be said
Apologies must be bled
Sometimes we have to sleep
Out into the world we have to peep
And we often need a friend to help us take that leap

So I'll say hello, and later say goodbye
I'll ask for forgiveness and if not given I'll try not to cry
I'll do my best to sleep at night
I'll try my hardest not to give in to fright
And if someone who could be my friend comes along . . . I just might

R.I.P.

When your mother was a child
We used to play, oh, so many things
We'd make up wonderful places
Make up fairies and kings
And I'd love to play with you too
If my old bones would let me
Love to make memories with you
So you wouldn't forget me
But you are so young
There hasn't been time
To make up worlds
Or silly songs that rhyme
You're so very small
Not yet even two
And I'm so very old
There's not much left I can do . . .

So this is goodbye
Though we've hardly said hello
And I'm sorry to leave you so soon
Sorry I have to go
But I'm giving you this rhyme
So that when you're older you can look back
And know how much this family loves you
Even the grandparents you will lack

Now my daughter will be strict
But she'll have your best intentions in mind
And so will my son in law
But they'll both also love you and be kind
You haven't met your grandmother
My wife died before you were born
But even now I know she loves you
And that belief deserves no scorn
Know that you are loved
Even when things don't go right
Know that you are cherished
Even when there's a fight
Know that life will go on
Even when at its worst
Know that your parents will always be there
They'll always put you first

Have a wonderful life, my child
I hope its full of laughter
I hope you accomplish everything you want to
I hope you have a happily ever after
And when you too are old and gray
I hope you'll still remember
Your loving grand-poppy
Who died the twenty-sixth of September  

Ticket

I was made to worry and fret
I was made to work and sweat
I was made to run and hide
I was made to listen while they lied
I was made for so much more
Than to be a servant who opens the door
I'm made for more than what they've made me to be
I'm made for the world but they've imprisoned me

They made and forced me to run away
They made and taught me not to stay
They made and whipped me so I'd work
They made and scared me about the things that lurk
You made and created me to stand up and fight
You're there and protect me all through the night
You made and taught me how to work so I'd live
You made and taught me how to give

They chased after me so I had to hide
They faked a smile while they lied
They laughed as I started to sweat
They laugh whenever I start to fret
You found and comforted me, you dried my tears
You made me strong so that I might stand up to my fears
You told me not to heed their words, whether insult or flatter
You told me that their opinions about me didn't matter

They lie and abuse me, but You're my ticket out
They try to silence me, but You gave me a voice that can shout
I can object, and I can choose when to go or stay
Because You're always going to be there, come what may
So I don't have to worry or fret or strife
Because every single second of every single day You breathe into me the breath of life
And if You stopped for just one moment
I would become nonexistent

The fact that I have lived and keep on living
Is proof that You believe my life is worth giving
And You give it every single second, willingly
Because I am worth while.  Because you love me.

Wake Up Again

Too much noise
Too many faces
Don't know these people
Don't know these places

Smiling mouths
Frowning eyes
When someone says they're fine
They reek of lies

Can't reach the stars
So catch a cloud
Everything's too quiet
And then too loud

Wish on a star
Blow out a candle
But no wish can backtrack time
Or erase a scandal

Read a book
Watch a show
Because life's boring or too hard
And you need to get away, to go

Play a game
Listen to a song
Don't want a chance to think
Because then you know you're wrong

Gaze at stars
Pick out shapes in the clouds
Try to be original
So you'll stand out in the crowds

But when you try so hard
You turn into
Someone who is very far
From the real you

Want to stand out
But don't want to be judged
Like drawing a chalk picture on the ground
And expecting it not to be smudged

Act like everyone else
Because then you're protected
Because when everyone's the same
You'll never be corrected

Want to be you
But act like someone else instead
You have a point to make
But you'll only argue it in your head

You have something to say
But you're too scared to say it
You want to continue
But you've already made a forfeit

Wake up!
It's morning again
Every day is a restart
Why don't you try to win?

Get up!
Today's a blank page
Won't you be you
And get out of this cage?

Speak up!
Say what's on your mind
You don't have to be a robot
You can be kind

Stand up!
It's a new day
Even if they judge
You'll be okay

The Ups And Downs Of Coasting

Wind whistles in my ears
My heart explodes with fears
I scream at the top of my voice
And begin to question my choice
Of ever getting on this ride
Everyone said it was fun, but surely they've lied
My stomach lodges itself in my throat
This ride would be impossible to sugar coat
My chest feels like it may erupt
Then the ride stops, rather abrupt
I shakily raise to my feet
Listening to my pounding heartbeat
And then suddenly I smile, surprised to find
I'm happy; surely I've lost my mind
Because now, looking back, the ride was fun
And I really want to try an even bigger one

[G]LISTEN

Child, please hear me out
Won't you listen before you begin to pout?

Won't you get it through your head
That it makes no sense to die before you're dead

Won't you get it into your mind
That only fools cannot see but aren't blind

Won't you get it through your brain
That just because something's different doesn't make it insane

Won't you get it into your heart
That the thought of failing shouldn't make you too scared to start

Won't you get it through your soul
That someday the fire will fizzle out and leave nothing but coal

Won't you get it into your skull
That just because you raise up doesn't mean that you have to fall

Child won't you realize
That you have the potential to be wise?

Won't you get in through your head
That you don't have to be hanging on by a thread

Won't you get it into your mind
That just because some aren't doesn't mean that you can't be kind

Won't you get it through your brain
That you don't have to be the reason others feel pain

Won't you get it into your heart
That you and your morals don't have to always part

Won't you get it through your soul
That you can have some self control

Won't you get it into your skull
That when someone needs help you can answer their call

Child . . . Won't you listen?
In a world of dark you have the means to glisten

Won't you try and spread that light?
Stop this tomfoolery and put up a fight?

Because everyone has the potential to be wise
They just need a little help to realize

They just need a little bit of help from you
To see that they can glisten too

Only You

Swallow the doubt.
Force a smile.
Hold my tongue
for more than a while.
But inside I'm drowning
and it's just not fair
that nobody notices
and no one seems to care.
I need some help.
Someone to understand.
But when I reach out
no one takes my hand.
I smile now
because maybe then
people will like me
and I can win.

Work all day.
Cry all night.
Feel so low.
Can't stand up and fight.
Feel like a stranger
in my own home.
Feel let down.
Got no where to roam
where I can be me
through and through.
Feel like a slave.
I'm so blue.
Feel like a monster.
I need to run away
but only you
understand why I can't stay.

Fading

     As I look at the stars burning bright I think about how long it takes for their light to get to me, and how very small I must seem to a mountain standing so tall.  But if I am so small to everything how is it I can feel like a king?  If my life does not matter, then why does my heart often shatter?  If I am but dust to the sky why do I feel pain or cry?  If nothing knows I am here, why then must I experience fear?
     Stars go out but do not feel pain, falling doesn't hurt the rain, mountains fall but cannot make themselves raise again, and stars that race across the sky can't rejoice if they win.
     But why then do I feel less important than the sky?  Why am I the one who has to die?  I can feel joy, pain, strife, so why am I the one with a limited life?
     Maybe I am as important as the sky . . . after all; we both must cry.

[Im]permanent

I'm at a loss for words
It seems I've run out
Of thing to whisper
And of things to shout
I feel so useless
So impermanent, you see
Because when I die life will go on
. . . Will anyone remember me?
I want to make my mark on the world
A good mark, of course
And I'm trying so hard
But don't seem to have enough force

I'm so very scared
And I don't always know why
But sometimes I start to shake
And at night I often cry
But why must I cry?
My life isn't bad!
And my grief never stays
Just a passing fad . . .
And that's what scares me
Being a passing thing
I want to be more than that
Go down in history like a king

But what's to be done?
What's been left unsaid?
By now everything's a cliche
Even the thoughts in my own head
So what's the point of trying?
What's the point of it all?
What's the point of raising up
When it just gives you a longer way to fall?
Well, I'm done worrying about all that
I'm too tired to continue, you see
And when I die
It's okay if life goes on without me

Because the thing about living
Is that someday it has to end
But I'll console myself with knowing
That while I lived I was a student, mentor, and a friend
And I think that's pretty good
Maybe even great
Even if I can't go down as a king
I still don't have to leave it up to fate
Because not everyone in the world
Is going to remember me
But I know my friends will
And that's a guaranty

The Have That Wasn't

Too much love
Too much hate
Swallow my doubt
Leave it up to fate
Give a little
Get none
Not enough
And too much fun
Dreams come true
Without a doubt
But not fast enough
To suppress your shout

Once upon a time
Is always far away
Time should stand still
Because here I stay
But time moves on
Sometimes without me
Because I stay the same
While everything else changes completely

1, 2, 3,
Time to sing
Ordered about
By at least one king
A, B, C,
Count to ten
The lines smudge
With ink from a pen
Step one, step two,
Step here, step there
But orders can't make
You dance without a care

Suck it up
Soak it in
Who's to lose
Who's to win?
Hold it back
Let it go
Smile a yes
Frown a no

Go ahead
Why stop now?
Curtains closed
Time to bow
Shake it off
Fall to the floor
Because you took too much
But still want more
Go right on
Who's to stop you?
Common knowledge
But no one knew

Spin about
'til you fall
There's nothing left
They took it all
Dizzying turns
We all fall down
Don't want the chains
But can't wear the crown

All have bubbles
That sometimes pop
All have nightmares
That need to stop
All have monsters
Under their bed
All have fears
Running through their head
All have memories
That they regret
All have might-have-been's
Like the day we met . . .

But that's life
Sending us on our way
Not always great
But that's okay
Because when comes the bad
We can remember the good
And forget our regrets
And the have that wasn't, but could

Inferior Interior

     I must have been mistaking, because now I've been stretched to the point of breaking.  But do you care?  Are you even really there?
     Your reasoning is gibberish to my ears - "What's the point of tears?"
     How can you ask that question without a trace of guilt on your fearsome face?  You stare me down, looking straight through my eye, demanding of me that I never cry while tears stain my cheeks and drip from my chin . . . You just always have to win, so I always have to lose, don't I?  Do you even realize it's your own fault that I cry?
     Just leave me alone, for once in your life!  From my back remove your knife!
     Your words are like punches, beating me down.  You dare not let me question who wears the crown.  But all those things you said . . . you lied.  Surely you are empty inside . . . But what is it with you and tears?  Weakness and fears?  Why are they outlawed?  Perhaps you're just a fraud . . .
     But I dare not think that way!  Oh, way must my mind stray?  You'll find out for sure, and my treacherous thoughts you won't ignore . . .
     I didn't mean it, I swear!  But about my reasoning you do not care . . . What about me; do you care about that or anyone else?  When you speak everything around me melts as tears obscure my view . . . My tears are because of you!  So leave me alone, please . . . Just blow away in the breeze.  I don't want you here anymore, but you thrive at my vary core, shouting in my ear; saying I'm weak because of my fear.
     But you're the main reason I'm afraid!  For long enough I've played your little game.  It really is a shame that I ever listened to you in the first place.  But now it's time for you to leave without a trace; you've been here far too long, telling me that I'm not strong.
     "You're weak!  You cry and you love when you should suck it up and shove!  You are inferior!  For your interior is so very vulnerable.  But you aren't incurable.  I can make you stronger if you just let me stay a while longer."
     I'm tempted to listen like I always do, but then I realize you're asking for my permission; you're begging for my submission!
     You're what makes me weak!  You're the one who makes my eyes leak . . . and it's my own fault, because I allowed you into my precious vault.  I let you into my heart, just to have you try and break it apart.  You're the one who's inferior!  For your interior is bleak, black, and blank, making you rude, mean, and frank . . .
     Well, guess what?  For once I get to win, because I'm kicking you out and not letting you back in, ever, never again.

Heart of Coal

Run, run, run away
Run so far you cannot stay
For when you stop we'll be there
And from you we will tear
Your own soul
For we have hearts of coal

So run, run, run away
Do not stop; you cannot stay
For when you do
We'll kill you too
We'll take your soul
For we have hearts of coal

So run, run, run away
Run away; you dare not stay
For if you do you will find
Us demons are far from kind
To hell we will take your soul
For we have hearts of coal

Run, run, run away
With all your problems you cannot stay
For you cannot hide from the mistakes you've made
And for your trouble you haven't paid
You have corrupted your own soul
For you have a heart of coal

So run. Run. Run away.
For the further you run the less likely you are to stay
Gone are your family and your friends
For this hell you live in never ends
For with all you have done you have broken your soul
For you have a heart of coal

So run . . . run . . . run away
For, my dear, no one wants you to stay
For your mistakes are much too grand
And now everyone shall understand
That you have a pure dark soul
And a hard heart of coal

Salt

Salt water rain
Full of sorrow and pain
Pouring down from my blurry eyes
Because everyone's so full of lies

Salt water droplets
Coming from my eye sockets
Slow and grieving
Because everyone's thieving

Salt water tears
Laced with betrayal and fears
Running down my cold face
Because they left without a trace

Salt water down pour
Feelings of anger and more
Rushing down from my eyes of ice
Because everyone's greed they had to suffice

Salt water smile
Because I'm afraid to stand up to the vile
So hide my sorrow
Maybe they'll leave me alone tomorrow

Salt water lake
Because they took all there was to take
And left me alone to fight
And I am not all right

Salt water friend
Because my happiness was at its end
So you try to cheer me up
With coffee and a cup

Salt water lightning
Because it's all quite frightening
But also so grand
When you hold my hand

Salt water thunder
Full of hope and wonder
As I look into your kind face
Gone are my worries without a trace

Stunted

I was born crying, as most are
I've, as most have, come far
I've grown teeth, lost them, and grown them again
I have good luck and bad, sometimes lose and sometimes win
I learned to hobble, crawl, and walk
Learned to read, write, and talk
I've grown in every which way
I've had to go and had to stay
I've made mistakes, like everyone
I've had too much and not enough fun
But one thing hasn't changed since I was born
Something people do when they're happy, sad, or torn
Something I probably won't grow out of until I die
And that is my inability not to cry

Almost And If Only's

I almost loved you forever
And you almost loved me
I almost kept your heart
We were almost free

But Almost is the word
That destined us to fail
It's being imprisoned
And almost getting out on bail
It's seeing someone on the street
And almost saying hello
It's almost being able to stay
But instead you had to go

You were almost mine
I was almost yours
But Almost is the word
That closed all of our doors

We almost made it
But, alas, not quite
I almost kept my temper
But instead I had to fight

Almost is like If Only
If only you had stayed
If only I had stopped you
But instead I watched as the loose ends frayed

If only I had tried harder
If only I had seen
That you deserved a Prince Charming
And I should have treated you like a Queen

But If Only doesn't help me
If Only's just a wish
It's dreaming of flying
If only you weren't a fish
It's wishing the past were different
Wishing things were better
It's wanting to say something to you
But not being able to send a letter

Wishes are just daydreams
Silly fancies to pass the time
Daydreams are fairy's and flowers
Good things like magic and spells that rhyme

Well I haven't the imagination to daydream
Haven't got it in my heart
Because I hadn't even realized
That when you left it'd break apart

I want you back so badly
I almost was able to say
That I love you so very dearly
And will to the very last day

But now we're back to that word again
Those six small letters that so haunt me
They're a knife in my side
Chains that won't let me free
Because now I never see you
Now I simply cannot
Only in my dreams
And then my heart begins to rot

I see you in my dreams
And apologize for everything I've ever done
But I wake before you can give forgiveness
Though you'd have every right to give none . . .

I had had a bad day when it happened
But that gave me no right to shout
And I'm sorry that I did
Sorry that I pushed you out

I yelled and you got in your car
And then you drove away
And you almost swerved out of reach
That car almost didn't hit you that day

The doctors were almost able to save you
You almost survived you know
God almost let me keep you
But instead you had to go . . .

If only I hadn't yelled
If only you had stayed
If only I had stopped you
If only the ends hadn't frayed

I wish it hadn't happened
Wish it wasn't true
Because life doesn't seem worth living
When I've got to live it without you

But sometimes in my dreams
You smile at me and say
That you want me to be happy
That everything will be okay

And I'm almost able to believe you
If only I could
But I can't stop wishing you back
Even if I wanted to I don't think even in my dreams I would
Because you deserved so much better
Than the life that you got
You wanted to grow old and have children
We were going to tie the knot . . .

I think I know what you'd tell me
If you saw me this way
You'd tell me "Stop moping about"
Tell me that everything would be okay
"And you'd better not just almost believe me
Because that's not good enough you know.
You're going to be fine, and as for me . . .
It was time for me to go.
Oh, If Only I hadn't died,
If Only  it weren't true,
But we don't need If Only's
Because I live on in you.
Oh, I wish it were different,
Wish there was a way,
Well there's not
But that's truly okay.
Let go of this dream of yours,
This silly little fancy;
I know of your pain and hurt
But now it's time to move on without me.
So give up on your Almost's and If Only's,
Let go of those wishes and dreams,
Because those things aren't good to dwell on;
All they'll do is tear you at the seams.
So please, for me, smile and laugh;
I don't like to see you cry.
And of course I forgive you and still love you!
Now goodbye."

With All My Heart

You used to grab my hands and spin me around
Throw me up high above the ground
Read me books when I went to bed
Tell me all about my smart head
Cuddle me when I was scared at night
Kiss me on the head and turn off the light
Make me laugh and smile
Help me make pillows into a fort-ish pile
Make believe all sorts of things
About aliens, super heroes, witches, and kings

Well now I'm grown and that all went away
But I remember it all to this very day
Remember when you taught me to ride a bike
Remember helping you make breakfast and the like
Remember when you taught me to read
And while we were playing let me lead
Helped me with homework and such
You gave me so very much
For so many years
Through smiles and through tears
We've hit a few rough patches I know
Nothing so drastic as a tale of woe
But I have made many mistakes, it's true
I had stupid boyfriends and got a stupid tattoo
But you always stuck by my side
Even when I shouted and cried
Even when I said I hated you
You always knew just what to do

You were always there
You were always offering love and care
So thank you, with all of my heart
Because you were always there to help when it got broken apart

More Perfect Than The Moon

An old man sits on his old porch
Staring out at a dusty barren scorch
His eyes are dark, but not his soul
His heart is so very far from coal.

He sits there with his banjo, playing a tune
About a girl as perfect as the moon
With the free spirit of a bird, a dove
As soon as he met her he fell in love

But her father wanted her for bigger things
Didn't want her for peasants but kings
Memories flash before the old man's eyes
And soon his grandson can hear his cries

A young boy steps out onto the porch
Taking deep breaths of air from the scorch
His eyes aren't dark and neither his soul
And his smile is one that could melt even coal

He gently takes the banjo and starts playing a tune
About a baby as perfect as the moon
His little sister who didn't come by crane, but dove
For children can feel the most pure of love

With his little sister the boy can play all sorts of things
Make believing giants and castles and witches and kings
A future flashes before the young boys eyes
And his father finds him with a smile on his face as he gently cries

A father sits with his father and son on a porch
Staring out at a memory filled scorch
They all sit in silence, seeming to share the same soul
One that will never be hardened into coal

The young boy hands the banjo to his father for a tune
About their family, more perfect than the moon
With a grandma, mother, and baby, all as free as a dove
About their pasts and futures, full of much love

And all of them vow not to forget a thing
And all because the old man found a girl who chose him over a king

Done

How hard is your heart and foggy my eyes?
I struggle to find any truth in your lies
I'm running so hard I can't feel my feet
I have no time to dance to your beat

I'm done with you and your 'love'
For so long I've let you push and shove
Well I am not your slave, nor your punching bag
I am so done putting up my white flag!

I deserve so much more
So I am finally slamming the door
And changing the lock
To you this may come as a shock

But I am perfectly fine on my own!
I feel safer when I am alone
For too long I've done whatever you wanted me to
Let you punch me black and blue . . .

Well, I am done, so farewell
Do enjoy your eternity in hell.

Little one, Last one, Lonely one

Silence

Silence

Quiet

Quiet

Where did all the noise go?
What happened to the children running to and fro?
Nothing makes a sound anymore
All the children went out the door

All sound stopped
Because our family got chopped

Chopped

Chopped

Chopped in half
Now it's a rare thing to hear someone laugh

Why did everyone go away?
Why did no one stay and play?
Grew up, that's what everyone did
They decided to stop being a kid

Everyone moved out . . .
I remember when everyone would shout
Because with all the noise it was hard to be heard
Everyone insured
That they'd be back
But there bags they pack

Some visit, some don't
Grow up I won't!
Because this family of ten is now only five
And I strive

Strive

Strive

To keep feeling alive

Live

I feel like it's not only this family that's been chopped in half

Half

Laugh

Laugh

Every time this house they flee
I feel like they're taking a part of me
And it's a hard thing to be ripped apart
Every time they leave it breaks my heart

Off without me they go . . .
What happened to the children running to and fro?

Mud

Home is where the heart is at
Home is where you go to chat
A sweet warm lullaby
That to you will never die
A beautiful caring smile
A huge laundry pile
A wonderful game night
A grumpy old fight
Children piled on the floor
Stomping feet and slamming a door
A mother that loves to cook
A nice short story book
Toys and games everywhere
And parents that help and care

Many things come and go
Many yeses turn into no
Quite a few smiles turn upside down
Because often all you can do is frown
Sometimes real family's can put you in a stir
Sometimes your eyes start to tear and blur
But know that I'll always be right here
Because I love you like my own child, dear
Who cares if we're not related by blood?
It may be thicker than water, but not mud
We are bound together by bigger things
Bound together by god, not kings
You were put in my life for a reason, dear
And I hope you know you're always welcome here

Regrets

As I lie here all alone
hoping for a call on the phone
I realize after all these years
and as my death nears
that I have no friends
to be here when it all ends

And I suppose it is all my fault
because I locked my heart in a vault
I would not let anyone be near
because I was afraid that when they got here
my heart would break inside that vault
so I admit it is my fault
that no one's here for me
I locked up my heart and threw away the key
so there are no friends to share
any memories and actually care

I am here alone and dying
yet I don't believe anyone is crying
It has been a lonely life
full of troubles and strife
but it has not been full of
any friends or any love

I am truly sorry for all I have done
but most of all I'm sorry I never tried to have fun

For Too Long

Running, running
it's what I do best
I cannot stop
nor take a rest
for I have done
something terribly wrong
that's why I've been running
for so long

You're head you
would shake
if you learnt
of my mistake
for it is far too stupid
you see
my mistake is
I'm running from me

And I think I
always will
for as I run
I kill
the hearts of those
who love me
my own heart I
locked with a key

I started running
because I was scared
I was scared because I lost
the only one who cared
but now I have
nowhere to run
a thousand times
they shall shun

For as you know I've done
something terribly wrong
that something is
I've been running for far too long

Nightmares and Day Scares

There's a voice in the air
Crying out for someone to care
"Are you there?"

Can you hear the voice ringing out?
Sometimes a whisper, sometimes a shout?
"Help me out."

I can feel their pain
I cry their tears of rain
"Take away the pain."

The voices come and whisper in my ear
There's so much fear
"Don't leave me here."

How can I help? What can I do?
Where are you?
"Are you a liar too?"

I go forward but fall down
Down, down, down
"Now who wears the crown?"

All around me dark things roam
I want to go home
"Forever you'll be trapped in our dome."

I call for help, but feel such doubt
How can I make it out?
"No one can hear you shout."

I collapse in pain
Acid rain
"With life what can you gain?"

I beg and plead
As I start to bleed
"Do you want to be freed?"

A knife digs into my heart
And then me and my dream part
I wake with a start

No darkness, no rain
No voices, no pain
Am I going insane?

Just a soft warm bed
A place to rest my head
I haven't bled?

Everything's all right, I find
Am I losing my mind?
No voices that aren't kind?

Ever so slowly I lie down again
Will I ever win?
Why must I have these dreams again and again?

I feel as though I'm trapped in a cage
War is what my nightmares wage
With a voice or a ghost or a witch or a mage

They trap me in my fear
At me they all leer
I'm all alone here

'Make them leave,' I pray
I whisper, "Just go away,"
And maybe they will . . . someday.

Land

Do you ever feel sort of . . . dead?
Like everything's just in your head?
Like your own skin you've shed?

Like your heart has shattered and won't go back together again
and you always lose but never win
because the world's just full of sin?

Like god has disappeared
and everything's as you've feared
because down at you everyone leered?

Like you've been beaten black and blue
and you just want everyone to shoo
because they can't possibly feel this way too?

Like the world's beaten you down
and all you can do is frown
because you've lost your only crown?

Like you can't make it another day
and nothing's going your way
because you're always the one who has to pay?

Like life's lost its purpose
and you feel like a show, a circus
because you need to resurface?

Like you're trapped in a pit
and you just want to quit
because everyone's so full of it?

You're just trying to get by
and you just need to cry
because everything's a lie

You need a helping hand
someone to understand

why you fall but never land

Because we all need a friend,
someone to stick with us till the end,
our broken hearts mend

I can be that someone, if you let me be
I can be your way out, your key
And all I ask in return is for you to do the same for me

A Hundred Heroes

"The world needs a hero," I heard you say,
But we all know that heroes often pay.
You looked at me and I shook my head.
"It couldn't be," I said,
"Heroes have to be wise and also fearless,
Have to smell lies and be tear-less.
It couldn't be me; I'm too small,
How could I help anything at all?"
You say, "Every hero is small at first
But they grow and quench their thirst.

"It's time for you to save the day;
Smile at the blue, make them the shade of may.
It's not that hard to be a hero,
Make a one out of a zero,
Put a smile on a strangers face,
All the frowns in the world replace.
It has to be you, because everyone's small.
It has to be you who gathers them all.
Because if everyone's there and everyone's trying
We can dry the tears of all the crying.
If we all work side by side
Then I'm afraid I have lied;

Because when we work together no one is small,
But we need someone to gather them all.
It could be you, it could be me
It could in fact be anybody
But if you believe it has to be you
Maybe others will too
And everyone will try a little harder,
Pay the full price instead of barter,
Spread around joy and a smile,
It will only take a little while
For everyone to be made a hero.
Because even a hundred has to begin with zero."

Stop

I don't want to fly
Because then I can fall
I don't want help
Because then I feel small
I don't want to swim
Because then I can drown
I don't want to smile
Because then I can frown

I don't want to talk
Because then I can slip
I don't want your heart
Because then it might chip
I don't want to love
Because then I can hurt
I don't want to listen
Because you might be curt

I don't want to act
Because then I can fail
I don't want to try
But to no avail
I don't want to laugh
Because then I can stop
I don't want a bubble
Because then it can pop

I don't want to feel
Because then I can cry
I don't want to live
Because then I can die
I don't want to dream
Because then I can wake
I don't want your trust
Because then it might break

I don't want more time
Because then I can waste it
I don't want to start
Because
             then
                    I
                      can
                            quit.

Long Dead

Faith is often misplaced
Love often goes to waste
Joy is often ignorance
Grace is often in absence
Fair is often just a fake
Truth is often a mistake
Peace is often an illusion
Hope is often just delusion
Courage is often stupidity
Justice often isn't for everybody
Trust is often broken
Freedom often only spoken
Unity is often not acted on
Dreams are often just a con
Strength is often only in your head
And chivalry is long dead

I would love to be proven wrong
with a word or something long
but unfortunately I am right
and if you don't like that, than fight!

Place your faith where you believe!
Love and happiness achieve!
Know the bad but still have joy!
Give grace to every girl and boy
Be wise and fair
Find the truth and actually care
Make peace; stop arguing over a little thing
Be realistic with your hope; bishop, not king
Be courageous, but think before you act
Your justice right and not lacked
Don't break somebody's trust
Have freedom, only talk about it if you must
Don't say you're united and then back-stab them
Think, don't follow you're dream on a whim
You have strength, but weakness is okay
And be chivalrous today

Goodbye Forever

I find it so hard to believe
That all you want is for me to leave
Through all of our fights I can't seem to see
Or figure out if it's actually me
Who made all our days go so sour
All I know is that in an hour
You'll be gone and break my heart
I used to think we'd never part

I guess all the songs are true
Because I find it so hard to be without you
But now you say that this is the end
And our hearts will just have to mend
But that can't be the last say!
Because I swear that this is the day
That I mend your heart and change your mind
I promise I'll be truthful and kind
I'll shove all of my priorities aside
Even if you're the one who lied

Isn't that what you want me to say?
Well I won't because this is the day
That you leave me in peace
And from my chains you finally release
Because like everything
Even if the bad tend to cling
This must come to an end
So goodbye my ex friend.

You Can't Know

You can't know

What's inside my head

You can't know

What I dream of in bed

You can't know

What I think right or wrong

You can't know

Why it's been so long

I can't come

With you right now

You can't come

When it's time to bow

You can't come

Into my special place

I can't come

Into the past space

You can't say

Those things to me

You can't say

That I need set free

You can't say

That this is love

You can't say

That you have a right to shove

You can't know

Because it wouldn't make sense

You can't know

That I've put up a fence

You can't come

Into my head

I can't come

Where I am led

You can't say

That this time it's for real

You can't say

Lies about how you feel

You can't know

That I'm so confused

You can know

That I won't let myself be bruised

You can't come

Here to stay

I can come

Because I pay

You can't say

That this time you won't go

And I can say

No.

Unknown Blue

I feel this thing inside of me
that wants to go free
but I can't let it out
in a cry or a shout
I don't even know
why I need it to go
I don't even care
why I don't want it there
I just need it to go away
but I don't want to have to pay
It needs to leave silently
so no one knows it was inside of me

It all hurts so much
To happiness I clutch
but it moves out of reach
I have a leach
that's sucking me dry
but I can't cry
I'm so confused!
I've been bruised
and cut
but I don't know by what
It all hurts inside
but still I lied
and said I was okay
Every single day
I pretend to be bold
but it's so cold
and so hot
Brave I am not

I can't remember
what comes after September
or my middle name
or what came
between me and you
or the color blue

I get lost in my own home
aimlessly I roam
not knowing what I'm supposed to do
not remembering what became of you
It's all fallen out of my ears
coming out in tears
it's fallen out of my eyes
been replaced with lies
it's come out of my nose
it all goes

It fell out of my mouth too
That's how they know what I did to you
That's why I ended up in jail
without hope of bail
That's why I forget
because I don't want to remember it
How you betrayed me completely
bruised and cut me . . .
And that's why I forgot blue
That's why I killed you.

Wasted Tears

     So many thoughts enter my head, but then escape me when I go to bed.  Can't find the words to say all the things that come my way.  So I keep my mouth shut, cry over a paper cut, and write what I feel, but it all seems unreal.  It's all an illusion, so why run when you're afraid?  I prayed, but I don't know why, because nobody answers my cry.
     We jump up just to crash down again; there is no way to win.  The only way to cross the finish line is to hang yourself on a vine, or die some other way.  We'll all cross that finish line someday.
     But that's not winning.  Die and go back to the beginning.  Or just have everything end.  What's the point in it, friend?  When you can never win, it's the same thing again and again.  The only thing that changes is time, it acts like a mime as it silently flows by, one day making us die.
     It all hurts inside, but still I lied and said I was okay, even though I'm dying day by day.  Everything changes yet stays the same.  We all beg for fame, yet say love is the important thing.  We're pawns but want to play king.
     Nobody seems to understand.  Nobody lends a helping hand.  We're all drowning in air, and breathing in water that's not there.  Nothing is real, no matter what we feel.
     I have to tell myself this or else, everything around me melts in tears.  There are so many fears.  So many reasons to cry; someday we'll all die.  That's the end of the story; there is no happily ever after for me, or anyone else in this world.  We get our hair curled when it's straight and straighten it when it's not.  We pay to make the cold hot, and make the hot cold.  We call ourselves bold, but we never are.  We're trapped in tar that's white as glass, but it will all pass.
     Because, as everyone knows, time fly's by . . . it goes.  And with it goes life, someday it'll end our strife.  And then what?  I try to shut the emotions out, try not to shout, or cry, over the fact that we all will die.  Every day's the same, but someday the sun will set the world aflame, or go out and everything will freeze, a cold or a hot breeze.  Will everything be made to burn, or will the world freeze and stop it's turn?
     Oblivion is on it's way, come to snuff us out one day, so what's the point in living?  Taking or giving?  It all gets taken in the blink of an eye; we all will die.  But I suppose that's okay.  Why have it any other way?  Because if we lived forever, why would we do anything clever?  We'd just stay the same for eternity, taking everything for granted you see.
     So we will all die someday, somehow.  So it's okay if I die now from this sickness inside of me; it's better than living for eternity.  Though that is a bit of a lie, because I don't really want to say goodbye.  Not yet anyway, but someday.  I can't help it if that day comes sooner than it should, sooner than I would want to have it end, but it's okay, friend.  Because I am glad for the short life I have had.  It is truly okay if my sickness makes me die today, or in one hundred years.  I won't waste my time here with tears.

From - someone willing to fight

Dear Lord, why's the world such a mess?
It pains me so to confess
that my hope is dwindling
and it's kindling
this fear in my soul
turning my heart to coal.

Dear God, why has your rod disappeared?
Is it as I've feared?
Thy rod and thy staff
only seem to mock and laugh
and do not comfort me
no longer set us free.

Dear Yahweh, why do we all stray from your path?
Send down your wrath
along with your grace
let us see your face
and your light.
Set things right.

Dear Father, won't you bother to speak with me?
My thoughts, they flee
from good to bad
like a fading fad
and I need your voice
to give me a better choice.

Dear Lord, I want more than this world is offering
I'm not asking to be made a king
but I want to be more than a pawn
more original than a time once upon
or a happily ever after,
why not end it with laughter?

 So will you help me, along with the rest of the world?
Checkered instead of swirled?
Or the other way around?
Let everyone be crowned?
If we all put up a fight
Can you help us make the world right?

Everyday War

War. Brothers fighting.

Knights. Torches lighting.

"Fight!" the commanders shout.

Trumpets calling out.

"Come in for dinner!" mother calls.

Run, run, run, one boy falls.

Mother shakes her head as we say,

"But, mom, we want to play!"

Finally we go to war again.

Battle drums. It's time to win!

Losing. "Call reinforcements!" I shout.

Finally little sister comes out.

We're winning, but now we must go to bed.

Our armor we reluctantly shed.

To war once again the next day.

Fight, fight, fight, it's time to play!

Preparing. "Get the water balloons!"

War. No time to watch cartoons.

I try for a ferocious battle cry.

Sword fighting. I will not die!

Victory. At last I've beat you!

"Of course you can play too."

Back to war, sister on my team.

She's not good at fighting, but you should hear her scream!

Losing. "That's not fair!"

Death. "But I don't want to just lie there!"

"Don't give up, little sis!"

War. "You can win this!"

Fighting. "I think I've got him!" she shouts.

Winning. Big brother pouts.

Fight! We lost. "But that's not fair!"

"Rematch!" I declare.

For - Prince Charming

                                                                               I

    Dear Prince Charming, I find it quite alarming that you have yet to find my rose covered castle.  Was it too much of a hassle?
     I've been asleep for a hundred years, but I still have ears!  So do not gag when you see the hundred years worth of dust on me.

                                                                               II

     Prince, my dear, don't you see my step mother leer?
     She's turned me into a slave; oh, the pain!  She's driving me insane!  So do return my shoe, and then I'll marry you.  Even though we've only had a dance; you're a prince, so I'll give you a chance.

                                                                              III

     Dear Prince, you got thrown out of my tower!  Why did you just cower?  When you found me you should have set me free!
     Luckily for you my tears heel.  Ashamed is what you should feel!  Getting saved by a damsel in distress!  Leaving me to pick up the mess!

                                                                              IV

     Dear Charming, I don't know you very well.  But what the hell?  Kiss me and I'm yours.  I'm pretty and good with chores.
     I'm never eating an apple again!  That queen will not win!
     All these dwarfs are too much of a hassle, so kiss me and let's go to your castle.

                                                                              V

     Charming, won't you listen to me?!  I can now speak freely, but you don't seem to hear a word I say!  Daddy told me I'd pay.
     I want to go home!  But on land I'm forced to live and roam. Oh, how I miss the ocean blue!  Why'd I bother marrying you?

Maybe Love

Inside me is turning
But I'm only just learning
About the cold burning
Of love

Inside me I feel
Like this is for real
But am I just the next meal
Of loves?

Has love come to eat me away?
Come to make me pay?
But I think that it really may
Be love

I'm being disarmed
I feel so alarmed
Because I've been charmed
By love

I feel like you care
Like you'll always be there
But is it just the sweet air
Of love?

I liked it better when I was a child
When everything was mild
And I didn't get wild
From love

I don't want my heart
Broken apart
Oh, why did I ever start
With love?


But there's always that burning
That good - bad turning
Am I truly learning
To love?

I'm starting to feel
Like I'm not just a meal
Like this is for real
This love

But what if one day
You make me pay
And this all goes away
This love?

I'm very alarmed
Can't let myself be disarmed
Don't want to be charmed
By love

I see you standing there
And I want to believe that you care
I'm starting to like the air
Of love

I halfway want things to be mild
And halfway want them to be wild
Because I'm just a child
In love

You've stolen my heart
Please don't break it apart
I'm letting myself start
To love

Pulse

I know a little girl
Who likes to run
And I wonder why
She thinks it's so fun
Is it the feel of the wind
On her porcelain face?
Or does she like to see the world?
Is that the case?
See the world flash by
In the blink of an eye
Does she like it at all?
I wonder why
She would run
And wonder what's
Inside her head
And why she shuts
Everything away
And everyone out
Does she run
Run away and shout?
Or does she run
Run away and cry?
And I wonder if
When I die
She'll still be running
And if she's running away
From something
And that's why she can't stay
Or if she's running towards
Something she's looking for
And I hope someday
She won't have to run anymore

Devil of the Deep

They say it's a miracle I wasn't lost at sea

It is a miracle the monster didn't get me

Because it will kill us all, it strangles us in our sleep

This monster, this devil of the deep

Grown men, fearless men, now with madness in their eyes

Speak of things unholy, truths or lies?

Louder and louder, whisper and shout

The monster charges in, sucking the light out

Screams as we fall into the crashing blue

Both me and you

Breakers carry me safe to shore

But you are lost, evermore

"It was a monster, a devil bringing madness in its wake!

Listen now; can't you feel the ground shake?"

They don't believe it.  They think me traumatized, you see

They say it's a miracle my barrel saved me

I floated to shore but my minds lost at sea

Won't anyone believe me?

Because it was a monster called Storm who came in our sleep

A thunderous devil who sent us to the deep

Mother put me in a barrel, it shielded my eyes

I heard screams, wanting to believe them lies

Louder and louder we all scream and shout

The boat tips over, snuffing the light out

I scream as me in my barrel fall into the crashing blue

Why couldn't the barrel save all of you?

My tears mix with ocean as I'm carried to shore

Because you are lost, evermore

And I am left with lies in my brain

I am a child and they think me insane

I cannot accept that you could die by Storm

You, the hands that held me, kept me safe and warm

. . . They say it's a miracle I wasn't lost at sea

But why did that miracle only save me?