Tides

In all the sands susurrating beneath my feet

In all the hissing shore

Shall we find where thought begins

Shall we be left wanting more

With all of life left to go

And all that’s come before

Out amidst the crashing waves

Out in the undertow

Can we keep our footing

Find a way to not let go

Without emptying of air

Or all we used to know

In another lifetime lost to chance

In the sun’s unyielding glare

Will we build up palaces

Made up of dreams and air

With all the land and all the sea

And perpetual scrupulous care

Out with the tide for a moment

Out of place and memory

May we release our trepidation 

Succumb to the rolling sea

Without pining for anything more

Or less than reality 

Expanse

Under the tired sky

In a middle space of mind

I'll let caution fly

All thoughts intertwined

Under such a haze

Everything seems clear

All eyes set ablaze 

All feeling right here

Between every twilight

In the space between each star

I'll hold all that is bright

All that comes from afar

Between every word

The world stands still

All sensation is blurred

Each breath such a thrill

Above every sunset 

Inside every mind

Is a freedom not found yet

Is a peace we can find

Above every new possibility 

Above every cloud in the sky

May we bathe in tranquility 

And learn how to fly

Dried Paint

Waiting for the grass to grow

And for the paint to dry

Waiting for myself to stop

Watching the night sky

Waiting for the phone to ring

For you to want to talk

Waiting for the seas to drain

And for the trees to walk

Waiting for the lines to sound

Right in every way

Waiting for the pain to leave

And for the love to stay

Waiting for you to show

That you really care

Waiting to breathe in water

And swim through air

Waiting for the storm inside

To finally make a sound

Waiting for it to matter

When I'm not around

Waiting for the courage

Waiting to catch a break

Waiting for my hands to still

And for the mountains to shake

Waiting all of my life

Waiting just to know

That I should have stopped waiting

A long, long time ago

Apocryphal Probity

Maybe I care too much and 

Maybe I don't care enough

Maybe it's worth the effort and 

Maybe it shouldn't be this tough 

It's always such a struggle but

Things worth having are

Isn't that the way it works?

Clinging to each wished on star

I don't know what we're doing here

I don't know what to think

I worry it'll all disappear 

If I so much as blink

Maybe I'm tired of trying and

Maybe you are too

Maybe it isn't meant to be and

Maybe I don't really need you

It was so much simpler before but

I tell myself this is what I need

I could wash it all away but

Hearts are made to bleed

I don't know why I force it and

I don't know what to feel

I worry I'm much too vulnerable 

If I let myself be real 

Maybe it's all a fiction and

Maybe I'm just a lie

Maybe I'm just dreading the moment when

You inevitably say goodbye

It's always so confusing but

Things worth knowing are

I tell myself it can't hurt but

I still feel every scar

I don't know what to make of it

I don't know who to be

But maybe it's high time that

I let myself be me

And If

I've been searching my soul for the answer
Been watching the world for a cure
But they're not there
And it's not fair

And if I were a pencil I'd have no point
And if I were part of an arm we'd have no joint
And if I were an instrument I'd be out of tune
And if I were an overachiever I'd be on the moon

And who says we need happiness
Other than those who profit from what we miss?
And it's not sane
And we're so vain

And if I were always happy I'd be naive
And ignorance is my greatest peeve
And if I were truly confident I wouldn't care
And since we're not sane this is what we wear

And if never tasted, why do I miss it?
And if we can fly, why are we still in this pit?
And I'm not to blame
And they'll say the same

If I gave no excuses I'd be an anomaly
And if there was a way out there'd be a fee
And if we're tired why don't we sleep?
And maybe I'd feel bigger if I weren't stuck staring at the deep

And we're just trying to forget our limits
The fact that our bodies will one day call it quits
While the universe goes on like pi
Still we die

And if I understood I'd be unique
And if you did I'd kiss your cheek
And if I were human I would lack
And since I am I will look back

And I search myself for answers because I'm in deep
And I watch the night sky while I should be asleep
And the answers are sometimes there
And that's pretty fair

And if I were greedy I'd take thirds
And if I were me I'd write these words
And if I were you I'd read them now
And if I were done I'd take a bow

Sane

Written in blood-
No
Written in ink
Written in a simple way-
Sane
Don't you think?

Write it in a way
That says it all
Write it on a ledge
And then let it fall

Makes so much sense-
No
Leave it to interpretation
No lies in sight-
Sane
Leave it to perspiration

Circling a black hole
Alone in vast space
Life goes in circles
Around my blank face

A countdown to start-
No
A countdown to end
Seconds tick, tick away-
Sane
For whom time will not bend

All the pain and darkness
Cancel with the joy and light
In a burst of neutral
That puts up no fight

Do you understand?-
No
For nor do I
Written in a simple way-
Sane
Perhaps when I die 

[Un]Careful

Careful little eyes what you see
Eyes absorb the words and form opinions about me
Careful little ears what you hear
You think the tone of my voice often hides a tear
Careful little mouth what you say
Truly know someone before trying to make them okay

But careful little hands what you write
You're going to give your relatives an awful, awful fright
Careful little fingers what you type
Your mother's worries and fears will make her fret and gripe
Careful little mouse what you post
The percentage of things you say that concern people is, well, most

So careful little mind what you think
Stretching your horizon will only make people's impressions of you shrink
Careful little soul where you wander
While chasing after stars you'll often encounter thunder
Careful little brain what you dwell on
People will start to think your smile's just a con

So careful, careful little girl what you show
Of your pondering they do not want to know
Careful little child of staying young
If they see how much you've grown they'll burst a heart or lung
So careful little being what you do
Because I don't know if the world is quite ready for you

Syllables

One-Two-Three
Play so care-ful-ly
Sing unto thee
Going one-two-three

Might I say
You look nice today
Dressed in black
Cry for what you now lack

Now might we
Dance for one-two-three
Twirl with me
Joyful de-ci-ded-ly

Do you hear the beat?
No small feat
For us to meet
In the numbered heat

Don't lose count, we
Go one-two-three
Number me
So I fit per-fect-ly

Numbered days
E-ffect-ing my ways
Did you not notice
The things we miss?

Do you feel it, the
One-two-three
Ruling you and me
De-ci-ded-ly

Skips and jumps
Loaded tongues and bumps
Sorry to push passed
But thoughts don't last

Not quite the same
Still in the game
Of one-two-three
No escape for me

Break the mold
Pes-si-mis-tic, cold
But deep down
You don't get why we frown

Evolve, world!
Re-al-i-ty curled
Into an unreal ball
Down we fall

"You make no sense!
Where is the - hence?
"What is your point?
Will you dis-a-ppoint?"

Prob-ab-ly, yes
Cuz life's a mess
No reason or rhyme
Just keeping time

Off on a tangent
Give a hint
To life's purpose
Will it be worth less?

Space is needed
Words aren't heeded
Actions aren't done
Yeah!  Now we've not won!

Call us a mess
Say it's pointless
Maybe they should point less
Won't confess

The moral isn't-
Speed, tangent!
Run from the questions
Someone mentions

Stop! You've run too far
Hello, bar
Can't ever reach you
Though I set you

Again; one-two-three
Care-ful-ly
No escape for me
Except-
             One-
                     Two-
                             Three   

What I Am

I am
A teenage girl
Sitting here
Watching my life unfurl
A drama queen
An introvert
A no-nonsense
Little flirt

I am
An artist
Smiling face
Clenching fist
Blackened hands
From pencil lead
Scribled words
From my head

I am
My parent's daughter
Confident
And unsure
I have their strengths
And their faults
I have their love
And their vaults

I am
A dreamer
Dark worlds
Need a redeemer
Flitting thoughts
Need some ground
Silent worlds
Need some sound

I am
A sister
The worst pain
The best cure
A shoulder
A back hand
Head in the clouds
Feet mainly on land

I am
Little old me
Grown so much
Got years before I'm twenty
Dreaming big
Living small
Try to fly
Instead I fall

I am
A writer
A peace loving
Vicious fighter
A fun loving
Snooty snob
A loner
Worth a mob

I am
What I am
Like the rest
The black lamb
So very hard
I always try
And maybe, just maybe
This time I will fly

Cold Gold

What if
The sun set
In the east?
What if
The homeless man on the corner
Had money enough for a feast?
What if
The handsome prince
Was truly a horrid beast?

What if
The stars came out
During the day?
What if
The smiling person
Wasn't truly okay?
What if
We all stopped saying
'Maybe someday'?

What if
The sun rose
In the west?
What if
The homely peasant
Was the hero for this quest?
What if
Good people
Were put under arrest?

What if
The sun came out
At night?
What if
Fish
Could take flight?
What if
Everything would truly
Turn out all right?

What if
We just turned everything
On it's head?
They say the handsome are good
But what if
The living were dead?
For these rules don't apply
When the outside layer
Is shed

Inside are you
A handsome prince
With a heart of gold?
Or a grotesque villain
With a heart
So cold?
And could I believe you
If you
Told?

A horrid beast
Could lie behind
The mask
Or a brave soul
Strong enough
For this task
The world is
A question
You just have to ask

Lost

I'm screaming and not making a sound
Flying with my feet stuck on the ground
Staying but not hanging around
I am lost

I'm running and trapped in one place
Living a life full of disgrace
Lost without a trace
I am here

I'm wishing myself away
Not sure if I can find a yesterday
Right here I continue to stay
I am lost

You're listening and not hearing me
Screaming at myself to get free
Lost and trapped with no key
I am here

All I can do is disrupt
This world is so very corrupt
If I stay here I may erupt
I'm still lost

I know but I don't understand
I cower and smile at your hand
Lost forever in this wonderland
I'm still here

My heart is up for sale
Because alone all I can do is fail
Trapped here in my head with no bail
I'm still lost

I'm lost and cowering in fear
Trying not to let go of a single tear
But maybe I won't always be weak and mere
Because through it all I'm still here

Heart of Coal

Run, run, run away
Run so far you cannot stay
For when you stop we'll be there
And from you we will tear
Your own soul
For we have hearts of coal

So run, run, run away
Do not stop; you cannot stay
For when you do
We'll kill you too
We'll take your soul
For we have hearts of coal

So run, run, run away
Run away; you dare not stay
For if you do you will find
Us demons are far from kind
To hell we will take your soul
For we have hearts of coal

Run, run, run away
With all your problems you cannot stay
For you cannot hide from the mistakes you've made
And for your trouble you haven't paid
You have corrupted your own soul
For you have a heart of coal

So run. Run. Run away.
For the further you run the less likely you are to stay
Gone are your family and your friends
For this hell you live in never ends
For with all you have done you have broken your soul
For you have a heart of coal

So run . . . run . . . run away
For, my dear, no one wants you to stay
For your mistakes are much too grand
And now everyone shall understand
That you have a pure dark soul
And a hard heart of coal

Little one, Last one, Lonely one

Silence

Silence

Quiet

Quiet

Where did all the noise go?
What happened to the children running to and fro?
Nothing makes a sound anymore
All the children went out the door

All sound stopped
Because our family got chopped

Chopped

Chopped

Chopped in half
Now it's a rare thing to hear someone laugh

Why did everyone go away?
Why did no one stay and play?
Grew up, that's what everyone did
They decided to stop being a kid

Everyone moved out . . .
I remember when everyone would shout
Because with all the noise it was hard to be heard
Everyone insured
That they'd be back
But there bags they pack

Some visit, some don't
Grow up I won't!
Because this family of ten is now only five
And I strive

Strive

Strive

To keep feeling alive

Live

I feel like it's not only this family that's been chopped in half

Half

Laugh

Laugh

Every time this house they flee
I feel like they're taking a part of me
And it's a hard thing to be ripped apart
Every time they leave it breaks my heart

Off without me they go . . .
What happened to the children running to and fro?

Stop

I don't want to fly
Because then I can fall
I don't want help
Because then I feel small
I don't want to swim
Because then I can drown
I don't want to smile
Because then I can frown

I don't want to talk
Because then I can slip
I don't want your heart
Because then it might chip
I don't want to love
Because then I can hurt
I don't want to listen
Because you might be curt

I don't want to act
Because then I can fail
I don't want to try
But to no avail
I don't want to laugh
Because then I can stop
I don't want a bubble
Because then it can pop

I don't want to feel
Because then I can cry
I don't want to live
Because then I can die
I don't want to dream
Because then I can wake
I don't want your trust
Because then it might break

I don't want more time
Because then I can waste it
I don't want to start
Because
             then
                    I
                      can
                            quit.

Maybe Love

Inside me is turning
But I'm only just learning
About the cold burning
Of love

Inside me I feel
Like this is for real
But am I just the next meal
Of loves?

Has love come to eat me away?
Come to make me pay?
But I think that it really may
Be love

I'm being disarmed
I feel so alarmed
Because I've been charmed
By love

I feel like you care
Like you'll always be there
But is it just the sweet air
Of love?

I liked it better when I was a child
When everything was mild
And I didn't get wild
From love

I don't want my heart
Broken apart
Oh, why did I ever start
With love?


But there's always that burning
That good - bad turning
Am I truly learning
To love?

I'm starting to feel
Like I'm not just a meal
Like this is for real
This love

But what if one day
You make me pay
And this all goes away
This love?

I'm very alarmed
Can't let myself be disarmed
Don't want to be charmed
By love

I see you standing there
And I want to believe that you care
I'm starting to like the air
Of love

I halfway want things to be mild
And halfway want them to be wild
Because I'm just a child
In love

You've stolen my heart
Please don't break it apart
I'm letting myself start
To love