Crystallize

I'm not quite sure what to say
All my thoughts never crystallized
Time keeps on slipping away
How is it I'm still surprised?

Time's entwined in all of it
But tell me - what was it for?
Five years later and nothing's changed
I'm still so very unsure

My memories are written here
Every high and every low
Hidden behind every line
Everything I used to know

They're not always easily seen -
It's all a slight guise
I'm not always coherent -
My thoughts never crystallize

And five years ago, when I started
Did I ever think I'd go this long?
I have no reason to continue
But stopping would feel so wrong

I'll just keep going, on and on
With no real reason why
With arbitrary deadlines and few readers
I'll continue getting lost in the deep sky

Because here in the deep -
I bathe in truths and lies
Drowning in thoughts and emotions
That never crystallize

And here in the deep -
I'm in too deep to ever leave
My memories are preserved here
So I don't have to cleave

Here my past selves speak to me
Offering old wisdoms I forgot
Here I learn of my present self
And everything I am not

Here I'm what I make of me
In these abstract skies
Here I know just what to say
Though my thoughts never crystallize