Don't Think Twice

Yesterday I realized: this isn't fine
Ongoing thoughts of lilac and pine
Unwisely, I allowed a restart
Justifying how you toyed with my heart

Unwarranted, I suppose I'll say nothing at all
Subtly you'll fade, constructing a wall
Tempered with surety, I'll shut the door
Knowing all along I'd get nothing more

I'm not implying you treated me unkind
No: you could have done better, but I don't mind
Dared myself to try, and look where it went
Allowed myself to feel, and now I feel spent

Was it simply a waste of time and heartache?
Allowed a restart, prolonged our mistake
Silly and childish, I built castles in the air
They crumbled and crushed me, and you no longer care

Even so, I never could blame you for our plight
Don't think twice - it's all right
Make it all worth it: what is it worth now?
You broke no promises, I made no vow

Perhaps there is no worth, perhaps I wasn't meant to gain
Real friends or knowledge - watch it all wane
Echoing and circling in my tired head
Criticizing every silly truth I ever said

In soft and subtle tones, beckon me to rest
Once again wishing I'd tried my best
Unable to stop these circling thoughts and sleep
Smelling green pine, counting trees instead of sheep

Tomorrow you will slip away, and I won't mind
I didn't do my best, and you weren't always kind
Maybe it was just a waste of time and heartache
Ending in the slowest break

Validate Me

Been feeling pretty low
Because . . . I don't know
Dry the tears - let it go

Gentle thoughts turn rough
Keep your chin up, be tough
But I just don't feel good enough

Happiness, it comes and goes
Hoping the pain never shows
No one has time for your woes

Coldness soaks through my skin
I've won before, but I never feel like I win
Dry your face, begin again

Smile; no use in spreading the pain
Watch the crescent wax and wane
Palms reached out, I catch only rain

Highs and lows, can't let them see
Reaching out for attention, I'm trapped and free
Dry my tears for a moment - validate me

Tell me I matter, that I'm important too
Give me approval, give me value
Mine isn't good enough - I need it from you

But it never lasts, the value you grant
The compliments you give, the flatter you chant
Eventually you leave, and I'm left unconfident

It doesn't last, this outside stuff
So this version of me I'll try to slough
Dry the tears - tell myself I am enough

Everything Will Be -

Lament once more
     These passing days
Affirm with passion
     All that did blaze
Coldly, I watched them
     They burned out and died
Knowing nothing
     They shouldn't have tried

Learn one thing
     If nothing more
Understand this
     Fix it to your core
Softly, watch the tears
     They spilled out and dried
Telling nothing
     You shouldn't have lied

Everything will be -
     But none of it is fine
Rehearsed with feeling
     It's an overused line
Don't tell me
     What it is I feel
Resilient and layered
     Watch me peel

I thought I knew
     But that was just in my head
Vehement and fickle
     Don't trust what I said
Even so, I demand
     Hearken to my appeal
Lament once more
     What I thought was real

Whatever

Wind rushing through my hair
Heart racing through it all
After everything is said and done
The tether frays and down I fall

Enlighten me to the ways of the world
Vigilantly, tell me what to fear
Enjoy what we have today
Racing to when it's no longer here

Yearning for what you pushed away
Ostensibly, I'll take no blame
Ubiquitous as guilt is
Always feigning we're not the same

Rain spattering on my skin
Endings speckling the sky
Farewell to the stars and clouds
Enthralled with the question "Why?"

Equity, it blinded me
Little excuses piled around you
I fabricated every one
Never believing what I always knew

Going forward with no destination in sight
I was clinging to something facile
Simple as I thought it'd be
Altogether underestimating the hassle

Lightning striking behind my eyes
Life smacking me with reality
Remembering what I swore I'd forget
Instilled so many silly things in me

Go now and don't come back
However much I don't know if that's what I want
The tether frays and I fall
Catch me in your final taunt

Heart racing through the wind
I'll stand in the spitting rain
Laughing at the patterns in the sky
Diligently moving on again

Autumn

I'll waste time doing nothing at all
Just watching the leaves as they start to fall
Until my conscience tickles my head
Shiver with the realization - it won't be long til I'm dead

Trace my life across the sky
Never allowing myself to ask you why
Etch the knowledge into my skin
Ending just when we begin

Dare to question what was always right
Eerie and evident - but I won't fight
Dance with the devil - get lost in their eyes
Shockingly angelic - perhaps it's all lies

Only just tiptoeing across the line
Make believe it will all be fine
Enjoy it for now - I suppose we must
Our weary hearts will start to rust

Nearing the end - don't ruin it yet
Enduring forever - I wouldn't bet
Ask once more, "What is it you want?"
Risk it all - it will always haunt

Or perhaps we'll forget, by and by
Unless my conscience doesn't stop questioning why
Never allowing anything at all
Dare to stand - I dared to fall

Death will greet me with a friendly smile
Enjoyed every moment for my small while
Ask once more, but I want nothing, my dear
Risk it all - let it go - and draw me near