Sawdust

Teach me how to think again
Head full of sawdust - where to begin
Ending alone in this room
Dust hanging thick - I have no broom

Always running out of things to say
Run your mouth anyway
Keep my lips pressed tightly down
Enjoying the sensation, they'll still frown

Roll my eyes right out of my head
Tell me all the things I never said
He'll never get it right, you know
Expressions never truly the truth show

Worn down by time and sand
Empty now - push and I won't stand
All together - give one last shove
Tighten your grip and call it love

Heart full of sawdust - I'll breathe it out of my lungs
Entangled here - they speak in tongues
Run your finger down their spine
Touching lies - they say it's fine

How is it nothing moves anymore?
Exiting, if only you'd open the door
Beating constantly at my empty head
Enjoying the sensation, though I'm dead

Teach me how to feel again
Touch nothing at all - where to begin
Ending alone in this place
Reach for me and blur my face

Though I cannot give you a reason why
Hearken to this final cry -
Etch it in your empty mind
Save it where you'll always find -

Tomorrow is a brand new day
Our empty heads won't remember mistakes anyway
Running onward where the future looms
Moreover - I have found some brooms

Remnant

I'll draw circles in the air
Signifying the thoughts I'll never share
Twirling - spinning - rippling through space
I'll watch the muscles create expressions on my face

Looming ever nearer, it comes with speed
Lurching ever closer, hear me plead
Justice - mercy - guilt - who's to tell?
Under the pressure of their gaze - it pushed and I fell

Standing in an insignificant rain
Trouble pours down but I feel no pain
Watch it all melt away and die
Always waiting for one last goodbye

Not thinking it much your style -
Twirl a bit - it may make you smile
Turn once for me and watch it ripple out
One last look before the inevitable drought

Tell me no rules and I'll break not one
Answer my questions before we're done
Life careens on with no common courtesy
Knowledge is sought but it evades me

Touch down softly and drift away
Open your eyes - I won't ask you to stay
Yet I will cling to the remnant of rain
Open your mind - it shan't wane

Until then - my hands move in a rhythmic fashion
Tracing circles with my emotional ration
Only rippling through remnants and air
One last look - but it's no longer there 

Verily, Me

I didn't want to write again – no matter what they'll think it's about you

I suppose I won't fight or prolong it, and simply write what is true:

You took me on an emotional roller coaster – it all went so fast

I remember every smile you ever gave me, from the first to the last

I liked to hear you ramble – I liked it when you talked

I liked that you made sure to be closer to the road when we walked

You made me laugh, and blush, and cry

You said you loved everything about me, and I wondered why

If goodbye was inevitable, it's best to do it quickly, I thought

But I'm not sad about the time we had together – I'm sad about the time we will not . . .

I'm smart – I knew we wouldn't last – knew it would lead to no good

But I'm silly and childish – I wanted to keep you as long as I could . . .

I want to say there are no hard feelings, but what I'm feeling is hard

But time will heal, and we didn't know each other long enough to get scarred

But until that time . . . does your heart ache when you see me?

Do you flip-flop between being completely fine and crying suddenly?

There is an empty yet tight feeling in my chest, like someone squeezed my heart down a size or two

And I know there's no point, but I keep torturing myself with thoughts of you . . .

Don't fret – I work through feelings quickly – I'll be over you soon enough

It's just these last few days have been tough . . .

I'd like to think it's your loss – because I'm just that amazingly perfect, you know

But you are pretty amazing yourself, and I'm sorry you had to go

Because I'm me and must view every painful moment as an opportunity for growth and success -

I thank you for being such a gentleman, as now I'll never accept anything less

I'm glad to have known you – I don't regret it at all

I'll learn from this roller coaster, from every rise and every fall

Now I'll end with an inside joke, the meaning of which I'll never tell:

At least Victor Alan doesn't think I'm going to hell

Terra Firma

I used to bite my nails when I was nervous
Now I sink my teeth into my skin
So I can feel something simple
A truth not quite so thin

It was my strong guiding light
The moon that fought so hard for control
Pockmarked but unbroken
The emotional tides have swallowed it whole

It was my inspiring comforter
The sun that sometimes hurt and burned
Blazing on through the rain
Now the tides have turned

All the trouble that they caused
What finally broke them was out of their reach
Trying to help clean someone else's mess
They drowned in the bleach

I used to bite my tongue when I was angry
Now I do it to keep back the tears
So I don't add to the rushing tides
Choking on my fears

They used to listen and understand
These stars that blinked out one by one
Extinguished in the tide
Smothering the last bit of fun

The earth is cracking under the pressure
Water crashing into its core
It pushes back with all its might
So scared of losing this war

I used to fall to bits so easily
Now I'm trying to stay firm and hold it all together
As I watch my sky crumble
Standing shakily in this rainy weather 

Is The World Still On Your Shoulders

I can't go on like this -
Shattering so easily
Try as I may
Hardness eludes me

Ever the dramatizer
Won't let it worry you
On we go
Running out of things to do

Lie and say it's fine
Don't and say it's not
Still get the same response -
Thinking me tougher than you ought

If I change it up or not -
Looking up every other day
Life will go on
Onward always - now are we okay?

No, not right now
You ruined my already bad time
Observe my sinking face
Underneath all the grime

Really not all that bad -
Shouldn't I be fine?
How'd I get so freakishly fragile?
Only just making it to the next line

Understand I must avoid you
Like a plague of saltwater in my eyes
Don't try to talk sense into me -
Emotions make it sound like lies

Reality will arbitrate for us one day
Shattering or strengthening this guise