Verily, Me

I didn't want to write again – no matter what they'll think it's about you

I suppose I won't fight or prolong it, and simply write what is true:

You took me on an emotional roller coaster – it all went so fast

I remember every smile you ever gave me, from the first to the last

I liked to hear you ramble – I liked it when you talked

I liked that you made sure to be closer to the road when we walked

You made me laugh, and blush, and cry

You said you loved everything about me, and I wondered why

If goodbye was inevitable, it's best to do it quickly, I thought

But I'm not sad about the time we had together – I'm sad about the time we will not . . .

I'm smart – I knew we wouldn't last – knew it would lead to no good

But I'm silly and childish – I wanted to keep you as long as I could . . .

I want to say there are no hard feelings, but what I'm feeling is hard

But time will heal, and we didn't know each other long enough to get scarred

But until that time . . . does your heart ache when you see me?

Do you flip-flop between being completely fine and crying suddenly?

There is an empty yet tight feeling in my chest, like someone squeezed my heart down a size or two

And I know there's no point, but I keep torturing myself with thoughts of you . . .

Don't fret – I work through feelings quickly – I'll be over you soon enough

It's just these last few days have been tough . . .

I'd like to think it's your loss – because I'm just that amazingly perfect, you know

But you are pretty amazing yourself, and I'm sorry you had to go

Because I'm me and must view every painful moment as an opportunity for growth and success -

I thank you for being such a gentleman, as now I'll never accept anything less

I'm glad to have known you – I don't regret it at all

I'll learn from this roller coaster, from every rise and every fall

Now I'll end with an inside joke, the meaning of which I'll never tell:

At least Victor Alan doesn't think I'm going to hell

Terra Firma

I used to bite my nails when I was nervous
Now I sink my teeth into my skin
So I can feel something simple
A truth not quite so thin

It was my strong guiding light
The moon that fought so hard for control
Pockmarked but unbroken
The emotional tides have swallowed it whole

It was my inspiring comforter
The sun that sometimes hurt and burned
Blazing on through the rain
Now the tides have turned

All the trouble that they caused
What finally broke them was out of their reach
Trying to help clean someone else's mess
They drowned in the bleach

I used to bite my tongue when I was angry
Now I do it to keep back the tears
So I don't add to the rushing tides
Choking on my fears

They used to listen and understand
These stars that blinked out one by one
Extinguished in the tide
Smothering the last bit of fun

The earth is cracking under the pressure
Water crashing into its core
It pushes back with all its might
So scared of losing this war

I used to fall to bits so easily
Now I'm trying to stay firm and hold it all together
As I watch my sky crumble
Standing shakily in this rainy weather 

Is The World Still On Your Shoulders

I can't go on like this -
Shattering so easily
Try as I may
Hardness eludes me

Ever the dramatizer
Won't let it worry you
On we go
Running out of things to do

Lie and say it's fine
Don't and say it's not
Still get the same response -
Thinking me tougher than you ought

If I change it up or not -
Looking up every other day
Life will go on
Onward always - now are we okay?

No, not right now
You ruined my already bad time
Observe my sinking face
Underneath all the grime

Really not all that bad -
Shouldn't I be fine?
How'd I get so freakishly fragile?
Only just making it to the next line

Understand I must avoid you
Like a plague of saltwater in my eyes
Don't try to talk sense into me -
Emotions make it sound like lies

Reality will arbitrate for us one day
Shattering or strengthening this guise 

This Time

This page is for mistakes
Sentences I'll later scribble out
Like the thoughts in my head
My heart is full of doubt

This verse is a diversion
Because I don't want to dwell
On things that make me sad -
All the times I ever fell

This life is meant for action
But I'll stay here safe and sound
Daydreaming of all I could do
With all the courage I never found

This air is full of castles
That all crumble on my head
Yet I continue making them
Until they crush me and I'm dead

This death will be a sad one
"What a wasted life," they'll say
"Had such potential, but did nothing -
Always saying some day"

This day will never come
Unless I force it to
But fear makes me weak
And this requires strength to do

This is the problem -
Watch my hands begin to shake
And my mind begin to race -
Pulling at these anxious chains I cannot break

This time I want to be brave
Braver than ever before
Lost in a sea of daydreams
I want to reach the solid shore

This page is for mistakes -
Things I'll never admit to you
Silly daydreams and a nervous heart -
Watch me tear it out and start anew 

Serenity By The Fire

Soften your eyes and smile
Ease has come again
Rush no more, you say -
Ending only when comes the rain

Now we relax and I reflect -
Is the world still on your shoulders?
Tired eyes respond to me
You gain strength as the fire smolders

Buried all week in mundane routine
You'll dig us out with smoke
Together with some conversation
Home in the memories the flames evoke

Elation and tranquility surround us
Flames reflect in our eyes
I look up toward the stars
Revealing our thoughts in the skies -
Ending only when the fire dies