Pieces & Bits

If I wait long enough

Will the words come?

If I think about it till I'm calloused and rough 

Then can I stay numb?

If none of it fits -

Who am I supposed to be?

Composing erratically 

Left with all these pieces and bits

If it takes too much time

When should I refrain?

If I don't embody the paradigm 

Will it always be a bane?

If I can't be what you crave

Might I satisfy myself instead?

Gather up every bit of skin I've tried to shed -

But that isn't the proper way to behave 

If it never comes at all

Is that really such a loss?

If I question every footfall

How will I ever cross?

If I don't know where I'm going

Would you help me find my way

Without asking me to stray

In a direction I'm not growing?

If I go where you don't want me to

Will you try to prune me?

If you don't like the way I grew

Will you accept who I want to be?

If I show you every lost lot and crumb

Picking up all the pieces and bits

Finding where everything truly fits -

Then can the words start to come?

May It Ever Be

What is there to say?

Another year - another day

Building it all up, watching it all fray

Places to go, but I haven't found my way

Just what am I supposed to say?

What have I said so far?

Trying always to reach that bar

Stretching up to caress each star

Soothing every bruise and scar

What in the world have I said so far?

What am I supposed to do?

Something good - something true

Promise always to see it through

If only the way I knew

Just what am I supposed to do?

What have I done worthwhile?

None of it is tactile 

None of it important enough to compile 

Aside from meriting your smile 

What else could possibly be as worthwhile?

So what is there I could possibly say?

How can I accurately convey 

All the things that have and have not gone my way

In my twentieth year and a day?

I'm still just beginning to find my way

So what is there that I might find

In a world that isn't always kind

In my heart and in my mind

With my thoughts so intertwined?

May it ever be: never ending moments where the stars are aligned 

They Said

They said pity the living
While you mourned the dead
I told you to give me a moment
So I might clear my head

And I'm not to be trifled with
But don't take me too seriously
Take from me no answers
And give me no pity

I'm a washout and a fluke
Full of platitude
I'll sit here for hours
Swinging like my mood

They said we're going nowhere
So I said watch me run -
Run out of time and grace
No more chances - we're all done

And do you resent me
For opening my lips
For wanting something more
For loosening these grips

Darling, you're getting old
All your joints will start to rust
You're doing it all backwards
And we're dancing in their dust

They said envy the dead
While you rejoiced over life
I said leave me here
So I might shed your strife

And I'll try to make you understand
But you'll just roll your eyes
Do I sound clever yet?
Caught in my web of lies

Make it into something more
Than it's ever been
Take a breath of fresh air
And we'll begin again

Laudanum

It's all so useless

It's all so dry

Thinking I could get through this

Thinking we wouldn't die

It's all going dark

And my blood's running cold

Sinking through life

Doing what we're told

Answers don't matter

Details all fade

Life slowly crushes

Sweet memories we made

Laughter only echoes

Until silence reigns supreme

Fantasies don't transpire 

Privation eats away your dream

Obsequious still

Take my very breath

Really, I don't need it

Only ending in death

Nerves eating me slowly

Acid pouring from my eyes

Ate clear through me

Laudanum raining from their lies

Undergo an exchange 

One heart for another

Get one that doesn't leak so

Take one that doesn't smother

Hold it until it stops beating

 . . . until it all runs dry

Take my very breath, dear

 . . . you know I'll comply 

Hazarding Heptad

Reach for a new sheet of paper

For all the thoughts that weigh

Running out of ink now

Let's put all these words away

Seven years worth of them 

Sure adds up to a lot

Shape them all to form me

And everything I'm not

How to sort through them -

Stacked in pillars about my head

How to deny them -

All the words I ever bled

Sure adds up to a lot -

Dripping out of me everyday

Perhaps I'll take a sabbatical 

And clear all these cuts away

I've earned it now, you see

Seven years giving my best

I'm running out of words now

Seven years worth - how can I fill the rest?

Perhaps this is all I have -

Is there anything worth writing left inside of me?

I'm bound to run dry someday

It's just a question of when that'll be

Asking myself yearly -

What more can I possibly say?

I pick up my pen regardless

And give all my words away