Clay

Are we at the end

Or at the start?

Neither and both I suppose

Stalling in some strange middle part

I want to form

The perfect thing to say

But life's not perfect

And words aren't clay

I suppose that means something

I suppose I should know

What's going on at this point

But there's so much space to grow

Because I'm not That now

What I thought I would be

Or who I was back then

I'm still finding me

Doubt I'll ever stop

Does anyone, I wonder?

Aren't we all volatile shapes

Constantly forming whilst being torn asunder 

And all those little things

That terrified me at the start 

Are what I'll miss the most

Transitioning into this next middle part

And all the hard things

I told myself wouldn't last

Are things I'm not ready

To let slip into the past

Because it was just two short

Yet extensive years ago

That I was so nervous 

And trying not to let it show

And now . . . I'm just here

Letting it all sink in

Not quite ready for an end

But more than ready to begin

Not quite knowing who I am

Uncertain who I will be

But content with the knowledge

That I like forming me

So as we come to a close

And as we come to a start

I'll move onward

Roaming through this next strange middle part

Apocryphal Probity

Maybe I care too much and 

Maybe I don't care enough

Maybe it's worth the effort and 

Maybe it shouldn't be this tough 

It's always such a struggle but

Things worth having are

Isn't that the way it works?

Clinging to each wished on star

I don't know what we're doing here

I don't know what to think

I worry it'll all disappear 

If I so much as blink

Maybe I'm tired of trying and

Maybe you are too

Maybe it isn't meant to be and

Maybe I don't really need you

It was so much simpler before but

I tell myself this is what I need

I could wash it all away but

Hearts are made to bleed

I don't know why I force it and

I don't know what to feel

I worry I'm much too vulnerable 

If I let myself be real 

Maybe it's all a fiction and

Maybe I'm just a lie

Maybe I'm just dreading the moment when

You inevitably say goodbye

It's always so confusing but

Things worth knowing are

I tell myself it can't hurt but

I still feel every scar

I don't know what to make of it

I don't know who to be

But maybe it's high time that

I let myself be me

Impact

I'll do my best

To clarify 

To rectify 

My words

You do your best

To be just so

To never know

The impact of yours

I could pretend

That I don't care

It's only fair

You know

Or you could act

Like you do too

I'll believe you

 . . . Because I want to

Maybe I won't

Ever be sure

Because of your

Dear words

Maybe you don't

Realize it -

Will you regret

The impact of ours?

And I could wash

It all away

Erase each day

I know

Or you could stop

Confusing me

Incessantly

 . . . Why hold onto me?

I'm sure I won't -

I'll never know

So I'll just show

With words

That I don't mind

Heading nowhere

With no prayer -

That's the impact of yours  

Infinity

Slow as the days may pass

Obvious as I may be

I'll move onward

Saving your seat, infinity 

As quickly as the years go by

Vicious as the cycles are 

Echoes tethering us to memories 

You'll see our spark in every star

Offering time til it runs out

Until someday comes too late

Running scenarios in my mind

Still, I can't stay here and wait

Echoes attempt to pull us back

After all we've been through

Taking my sweet time

I would have given all that time to you

Natural as it somehow seems 

Forgo all that to find

Infinity's unanswerable questions 

New thoughts shall circle inside your mind

I will save your seat, infinity

Though time may alter you and me

Years may pass - still this will be

Tempest

In the twilight hours it may call me

Winding time beneath my stare

In the darkness where it's lonely

Laying with tangled fingers in my hair

Lost in selfish fancies

Night seeps into my skin

Ocean waves roar in the breeze

Tides bring what was lost back in

Yet what must be gone forever

Is what I really want

Each night will endeavor

Like an echo, to trick and haunt

Don't listen to the whispers

Their promises run dry

Heart covered in blisters

Over the cracks that bleed through each eye

Ugly as that makes me

Growing weaker every day

Haggard and forlornly 

 . . . You just had to have your way

Oceans of water surrounding -

Understand, they couldn't hurt

Half as much as this hounding -

A fraction of remembering how we used to flirt

Used to, but nevermore

Now that I know what you truly are

Tempests whirl within your core

 . . . Memories still cling to me like tar

Etched yourself into my heart -

Tear it out and start anew

Ignite my soul, allow me a restart

Love is so much truer without you

Darkness yet follows

Echoing "til death do us part, you said"

And in the desperate attempt to claim this rose

Tempests rise around my head

Hold too tightly, and I am dead