Renewal

I have my doubts
And anxieties
I keep myself warm
Turning away from the breeze

My skeletons are young
Flesh still dripping from their bones
My thoughts are fleeting
Blood racing with hormones

My eyes change color
Reflecting the answers in my head
It aches and throbs
In retribution for the flames I never fed

The fiery passion within
I smothered with harsh words and ice
Coldness grips my heart
It was never my device

I can't control my eyes
They leak and they turn red
I can't control my mouth
And the lies that it has bled

My heart races when it shouldn't
My voice shakes when I speak
My hands tremble often
I'm slow and I'm weak

My list of failings goes on
Forever, seemingly
My worst flaw of all
Is how often I find fault in me

Shrug off your past mistakes
Love yourself, they say
Sometimes I can
But sometimes I'm not okay

Is that okay?
Everyone feels a little darkness now and then
I'll pick myself up
And begin again 

Frost Laden Hitches

The sun slowly rises

And the frost on the ground

Sparkles and dances

As we drive around

Watch the leaves fall

So thickly it's like rain

Showering me in dirt

My smile reflected in the windowpane 

The sky's such a pretty hue

Seen from far away

Smile, won't you

Though we never play

Getting stronger throughout 

Just not my resolution 

Hands stained with dirt

Landscape covered in litter and pollution 

Blisters on my feet

Pimples on my face

Hitches in my plans 

Trying to find my place

But I'll smile and laugh

At little things I like

The sparkling ground

A frost laden hitch, roof, bike

Standing on covered porches

While leaves shower down

Smiling at strangers

So long as they don't frown

Riding in the back of trucks

Cold wind pushing on my skin

Driving backwards on sidewalks

Seeing where I've been

Don't know exactly where I'm going

Hardly know where I was

But I suppose that's okay

Because, who really does?

Balance

Here lies my sanity
Lost to vanity
And remorse

Here stands my integrity
Bolstered by sincerity
And sheer force

There was uncertainty
Caused by adversity
And fear

There was tenacity
Thanks to veracity
And the fact that you're here


So here lies my dilemma
A bit of an enigma
Watch it grow

Here stands my charisma
Induced by drama
Start the show

So there was trauma
Causing a slight coma
It did impede

There was a stigma
Hindering my breath like asthma
Watch me bleed


Here we bleed in silence
Dripping with no resistance
Like rain

Here we breed compliance
Disguised as defiance
We bring pain

There was so much reliance
On harsh words and violence
And force

There will be balance
Caused by truthful guidance
And remorse 

Inclined to Smile

Forego with caution
Lightly judge or don't
Oversimplify it
Call it necessary, I won't

Cold air swirls around me
Inside I am warm
Nightly dreams attack me
Answers in the storm

Undergo the treatment
Cast away your heart
Insist it all was worth it
Nothing tears us apart

Inclined to smile
Harsh winds do blow
Ice grows around me
Little do I know

If it speaks to you
Perhaps you've gone insane
If it pleases me
Life will fill with pain

Inch by inch we travel
Foot by foot we stride
Ill-equipped to function
Cry caution to all that ride

Action of course speaks louder
Telling every nation
I'll fade away now
Overcome with elation

Notwithstanding my floccinaucinihilipilification

~

Floccinaucinihilipilification: the [action or] habit of estimating something as worthless

Valiant Blush

Touched by dreams or not
Hitherto I've never been shot
Except with bullet shaped remarks
Peppering me like red hot sparks

Understand that I'm not for you
Rather like the color blue -
Perhaps you like it, but that doesn't make it yours
Only if we're both shot through our cores

Softly tread - I'm on eggshells now
Earnest words are all that I'll allow
Offer them to me with a smile
Forever and always, or just for a while

Likened to paint on a wall
It will fade, or chip away and fall
Forgetting that, I'll develop a blush
Enthralled by this silly rush

I know the risk - the inevitable end
Still, my heart to you I lend
Tender as it may be, I know
One hole still bleeding from cupid's bow

Love shot me through the core
Insisting I want you evermore
Valiantly, to you my all I'll give
Every day, for as long as I live