Dawn

Such a strange mix of emotions

I can't sort them out

To translate into words

That'll let anyone know what I'm talking about

Other's words work better

Mine just don't fit

Because "all I do is get over you

And I'm still so bad at it"

I just keep scribbling out sentences

None of them are quite right

I keep convincing myself I'm fine

But I don't really sleep at night

Yet I can't shake this feeling

That everything will be okay

That it all was necessary and worth it

And, despite what some may say -

You were worth the struggle

And all the heartache

Just for a moment, we were meant for each other

And I can't view any of it as a mistake

That's why the emotions are so confusing 

I hurt so much, and not at all

It's not a numbness or an apathy

Just a tidal wave of thought through which I fall

"And it shall never end

For when we return to the dust we are

The love we shared will be sung

For all the endless ages to come by every star

And if we meet once again

We'll take up the song so long forgone

To sing of bliss forevermore"

But the stars fade with the dawn

I know I shouldn't think of you anymore

But I still worry about you, dear

I've always wanted you to be happy

Much more than I've needed you here

And I know I shouldn't write about you anymore

And should really try not to care

But I still listen to your playlists

And, partly just to spite you, I chopped off all my hair

You left a bookmark in one of my books

And a five year plan in my journal

And I don't know what to do with them

Harder still are the remnants that are internal

But everything returns to dust, so "that is all for the moment

Until next time - until then, do not worry"

Take a deep breath, let it go, and watch it all fade

As the first light of dawn reaches out to warm me

Tertiary Corollary

We almost had it this time
Echoing in my heart and mind

Shivering down my spine

How my thoughts tend to replay and rewind

Always figured we were meant to be

Laughing at the impossibility 

Lingering with your arms around me

Doubting still our durability

Reality has never measured up

Or we never let it

What's changed exactly?

Now are we simply desperate?

Or have we come to realize

Reality just doesn't make sense -

Really, unless we're together

Earnestly, I don't know if that's a pretense

After everything we've been through

Choosing to try to all again

Has me so very worried

Still, the possible good outweighs the possible pain

Hope is such a dangerous thing

Offering my heart in favor of it

Risking so much believing that

Echoing worries won't cause us to quit

Trying so hard to believe it

Oh, I want to, I do

Give me some time

Echos will fade - shall they outlast you?

Truly, I've always felt we're meant to be

How you've challenged that conviction 

Even though you felt it too

Risking once more valediction 

Don't give up on us, dear

Endeavor to hang on this time

And I'll hold you in my heart always

Remnants of you in every word that I rhyme

Little Moments In Time

Loaded with opinions
Ingrained with notions
Take it all away
Towered over by emotions

Little did we know

Endeavored still to seem

Mindful, knowledgeable

Owned still by a dream

Mistakes piling up

Echos fading in and out

Notions flying through the air

Tortured by such doubt

Softly try to remain

In a peaceful state

Nurturing your smile

Tracing and pondering our fate

In time, this time -

Make what you will of it

End, begin, repeat - just never forget

Polished

You seem to be trying
Only, dear, I doubt you'll succeed
Understand, I can't be disillusioned
Dreams are all I really need

I'll watch you fade away -
Don't even think of coming back
Never going to care myself -
Only, I feel a tad under attack

Take another chance -
Endure every silly mistake
Valiantly bear each disappointment
Each tearful eye and every heartache

Notorious as it feels
Like some awful pattern
All I really ask is -
Stay and watch the world turn

Turns out you're all the same
And that's not what I want
Surrounded by fire and brimstone
Like demons, they try to daunt

Only, dear, you don't scare me
Never have before
Go and miss your chance
And I'll not ask for anything more

Still, it goes so quickly
My nail polish lasts longer
You chip away so easily
Not I - I'm made of something stronger

All I really ask is -
Is don't be so unnecessary
Leave behind something
Pointlessly, I become wary

Only, dear, you'll never succeed
Life can't dispel my smile
I'll watch the world turn
Staying myself all the while

Hold on tight and watch me go out in style 

Sunlight

Coldness nipping at my toes
Sun shining on my skin
Forgot how much I missed this
Once more, let me begin -

Forgive all I dislike
Release every silly plan
All the moments I tried to cling to
And all the times I ran

I've been drowning out the silence
And shutting out the snow
Been denying all my thoughts
Trying not to let the feelings show

But they poked through my skin
Red dots peppering my hand
Hold them so they don't shake
While I try to prove I understand

Been waiting for something to happen
Surely, this couldn't last forever
I'll try to enjoy it while it's here
Watch all the old notions sever

I'll bask in sunlight and shiver
I'll watch the world pass by
I'll not forget to breathe
Lying quietly under the sky

Though I never really know
It's nice to pretend
That there's certainty in life
And everything will mend

None of that matters anymore
Time washed away it's meaning
We'll find new things to fret over
The past only occasionally intervening

I'll forgive myself a million times
But it's all imprinted on my skin
I'll relax and cleanse my mind
Once more, let me begin -