Sunday, January 19, 2020

Here

In this place where I'm so scared of making noise
I'll watch the people, full of grace and poise
Watch how they move their hands and feet
To the ever-present silent beat

Sometimes I think I'm the only one who hears it
This music that pushes and pulls so loudly I could never forget
Sometimes I think I'm the only one who does not
That everyone else is surrounded by a symphony I forgot

Either way, I watch them all, sitting in their chairs
Oblivious to each other's worries and cares
And I wonder about the universe in each one's head
And if I'll traverse all of mine before I am dead


And in this place where I'm so scared of being seen
I'll see nothing at all, unsure of what it could mean
Invisible, we all avoid each other's gaze
Isolated, focused on our own ways

And the air is full of little flakes of snow
Who never question where they must go
Or what they must do or who they should be
With grace, they accept the fact of gravity

And the room is full of familiar faces
Come together from far off places
And no one's sure of anyone's name
And no one bothers to ask why they all came


And in this place of strangers and quiet
I'm dancing too - invisible, I sit
For a moment to myself in a familiar dance
With no risk, no worries, no noise, no chance

With a scribbling pen in my hand
Focused only on things I understand
And the feel of paper between my fingers
Exhaling forcefully so none of it lingers

And I should study more and I should smile
But here I escape it all for awhile
For a moment of peace, and to watch the snow
And to forget about everywhere I must go


Because in this place where I'm so scared of making noise
I'm at one with the distance, silence, and poise
And there's nowhere I must go and nothing I must do
Only soft chairs, large windows, and aisles of books to skim through

Sunday, January 5, 2020

From Time To Time

I've run out of answers
It's not a hard thing to do
I'll shrug my shoulders
And take a moment to breathe too

All I have are questions
Ringing in my head
All I am is a collection of experiences
And old thoughts I try to shed

From time to time I wonder -
Will I ever be something more
Than who I am today
And who I was before?

To think of all the people I have been
And all I will be
Begs the question: where is the end of them
And the start of me?

I feel I change so much day to day
But not at all year to year
I'm caught in an endless circle
And I don't know how to get out of here

From time to time I wonder -
Just who am I anyway?
Am I who I want to be?
Is everything okay?

Am I worse or better off
After all the stress?
Did I put myself together correctly
Or make a bigger mess?

If I could, would I restart?
Erase all I'm holding onto?
Wash the gray from my hair
And from my heart too

From time to time I decide -
Everything truly is okay
Though I've run out of answers
I don't mind being made of questions anyway

Saturday, December 21, 2019

Breathe

Dizzy with options -
Options spinning in my head
Nauseous from the motion
Onward til I'm dead

Take my hand, we'll leave this place
Forget it and move on
Onward toward a new tomorrow
Rising with the dawn

Gazing at the rushing days
Endeavor to savor their dance
Twirling with little grace
Taking one last chance

Open your eyes, expand your lungs
Breathe your worries away
Release all you're holding onto
Empty now - it needn't stay

After all the choices have been made
Take my hand, we'll rest awhile
Hold on tight and don't look back
Expand your lungs, relax, and smile

Do not forget to breathe, dear
Endeavor to savor this too
And when everything is said and done
Remember me - I will remember you

Sunday, December 8, 2019

Empty Air

I'm tired of my own words
All about me, they fly
Making me flinch and duck
Justified every silly truth and lie

Understanding it all
Still knowing so little
Touching no one
Aching to be less brittle

Protect me from myself
Rally forces against me
Obliterate my every thought
Bombard me with reality

Let this version of me die
End all my past regret
Memories flood my head -
All the expectations I never met

Neglecting past mistakes
Disturb them not, I pray
No - let them be forgotten
Only, they'll never go away

Once more, let me restart
No - I'm still so tired
Everything remains the same
Hurling forth words, however uninspired

Always clinging to the past
Searching for a better future
Endured every false step
Vigilantly re-closing every suture

Earnestly fighting against myself
Reality never cared
Sincerity never answered
Only stood there and stared

Lost myself in words and words
Vehemently searching for me there
Echos I run after
Dead-ending in nowhere

I'll find myself in the responding silence
Twirling in the empty air

Sunday, November 24, 2019

Abstraction

Infinity, it stared at me
Winked and vanished in the inconsistency
Alone, I searched for a distraction
Softly, the world refused me a reaction

Surrendering, I plunged into my thoughts
Cascading down amongst twists and knots
Abstracted and lost
Reality ignoring my accost

Engulfed in myself, I sensed -
Drowning in an ocean I couldn't fight against -
Omniscience, and a lack thereof
Forgetting myself and all that I love

Nothingness screamed at me, and I didn't care
Only everything surrounded me there
Tossed about in a teeming void
Built anew while being destroyed

Eternity, it stared at me
I stared right back, wonderingly
Noticing just how small I was
Groping for significance and giving pause

Deserting my pursuit of grasping this abstraction
Infinity winked and I clung to a distraction
Saturated in a more concrete reality
Tortuous with previous notions of me

Resolutely ignoring life's dissonance
Affirming once more my significance
Circling actions with no pauses to give
Thinking concretely so I might live

Eternity, sporadically, will glance at me
Dancing before my questioning eyes, and vanishing in the inconsistency