Shine

I see your eyes when ours meet
Their cold intenseness makes my heart skip a beat
Is it like that for you when you glance mine?
Do you think my eyes sparkle and shine?
What is it you see
That makes you want to look at me?
Out of everyone around, why think me the best?
Is it only my physical aspects that peak your interest
Or can you see passed all that?
Ha.  The lie I'm telling myself is getting rather fat
For how could it be when we've never even spoke?
I seem to be playing myself a big fat joke

But why do you never approach, why do you only stare?
And why do you look when you don't seem to care?
I'm turning into a person I'd never thought I'd be
A person who needs someone else in order to be happy
On days you don't look, I wonder what I've done wrong
And I used to think myself so independent and strong
Yet now my smile so easily falls
And I get scared, surrounded by these walls
I've turned into a person I never wanted to be
Oh, you devil, stop looking at me!
But I'm already ensnared, it's already too late
I do not know how to escape my fate

You smile at me and I melt inside
You've said nothing, but still you have lied
Your eyes told of love, of dazzling grace
Understanding and forgiveness were written on your face
Yet all you have done is make me weak
And inside my well of morality there's sprung a leak
You approach and the last drop of it runs out
You take my hand and I have no strength to shout
You stroke my cheek, then press your lips to mine
And I know my eyes no longer sparkle and shine
With the joy and innocence that they used to show
I want to scream it, but can just barely pull away and whisper "No."

You frown in confusion, then go to kiss me again
I dodge your lips, turned pale and thin
"No," I say, louder this time
You finally speak, saying, "But you've already committed the crime."
But that does not mean I have a right to commit it once more
It does not mean I have no chance of swimming back to shore
It does not mean I can't try to get back my strong core
It does not mean I can't turn around and walk back out that door
So I turn and leave, my morality awoken
Because now I am damaged, but I am not broken
And damaged does not mean I'm not worth anything
Damaged does not mean I no longer deserve a king

It does not mean my heart cannot sing
It does not mean I can never wear a wedding ring
It just means that, once, I fell
It just means I've learned how to keep full my morality well
It just means that, for a time, I was wrong
But that just means that now I am once again strong
Because, yes, I fell, but I rose again
I climbed back up and repented from my sin
I am damaged, but I can also be fine
Because once again joy can be mine
Because my past mistakes do not define
Me, nor my eyes that once again shine 

Up To You

Look
Notice
Listen
Confess
You have eyes
You have ears
You have strengths
And you have fears

Stand up
Hold your head high
Take a deep breath
Let yourself cry
You have emotions
You can feel
You can face
What is real

Don't hide from life
Learn when to stay
Stand proud
You'll be okay
Listen and heed
But know you have a choice
Learn to sometimes hold your tongue
But know you have a voice

Sometimes talk
Other times hold
Listen politely
And be bold
It's all so confusing
It's all such a mess
But you'll be fine
As long as you learn and notice

Notice that others
Are struggling too
Notice how often
A smile is blue
Notice and
Don't spend every minute on your phone
Notice that
You are not alone

Learn that
You are worth it
Learn when
To hold on or forget
Learn to
Hold your head high
Learn that
They have no right to make you cry

Forgive
Or hold a grudge
Give a push
Or a gentle nudge
Make a choice
It's up to you
Just remember
To always be true

Ghosts

Last night I saw a ghost
Of a place that used to be
You know, it drove away the sun
But we still had light to see

Memories flash through my head
Of this place that haunts my dreams
I try to grab a hold of them
But they all tear at the seams

It all falls apart in my hands
My dreams and memories
They vanish in the darkness
They blow away in the breeze

And I am left here alone
Nothing but a ghost
A ghost of who I used to be
The one who felt the most

I felt too much
And it broke me
I wanted you all so much
But had to break free

Today I saw a ghost
Of a broken family
You know, they drove away their son
The son I used to be

I remember the days before things went wrong
We were all so happy
Everything was good, back then . . .
Did things go wrong because of me?

Everything turned sour
You and mom began to fight
You disappeared most days
You squished out our light

Later mom would say
That you both had worked things out
Yet things were never the same
Why did you always have to shout?

I heard people tell you both -
"Stay together for the kids"
But what was the use
When staying together put our happiness on skids?

Every night I'd see a ghost
Of a happy family
And one day I could no longer take it
Did you ever come after me?

I ran away much too young
So many years ago today . . .
I haven't seen any of you since
Was I right to go away?

Soon I will see a ghost
Of a place that used to be
I don't know what I will find there
But what I'm looking for is me

For You, For Me

Some people like to ask -
"Why is it you write?"
And for a moment when they do
I think of taking flight
For how am I to answer?
How do I explain?
Why it is I choose
To show all the world my pain?
Why I lay bare my soul
For everyone to see
Why I do this for them
And, even more so, for me

But then they ask again -
"Why is it you write?"
So I pause to think and say -
"It is the only way I know how to fight
It is my only defense
Against a darkness called Me
It is the only way
I know how to be free
It is my escape
And it is my cage
It is my happiness
And it is my rage."

"We don't understand," they say -
"Tell us truly why you write."
And I tell them -
"So I can shine a light
I tell you all of strength
So I can inspire
I show you people's worth
So I might get what I desire
I desire knowledge
To know the world is moral, kind, and true
And in order to convince myself of it
I must first convince you.

I write to find the truth
And always discover more than one
I write to experience magic
And to prove that there is none
I am my own contradiction
I am both the protagonist and antagonist who writes
I write to prove there can be happily ever after's
And that there's no such thing, nor fairies or knights
I write to show that the world is beautiful
But also that it's grotesque
Some people shout their opinions from the rooftops
But I prefer to sit quietly at my writing desk

I sit, find what I think, contradict myself
And somehow prove to the world I'm right
I try to inspire everyone, myself included, to think
And that is why I write."

Cold Gold

What if
The sun set
In the east?
What if
The homeless man on the corner
Had money enough for a feast?
What if
The handsome prince
Was truly a horrid beast?

What if
The stars came out
During the day?
What if
The smiling person
Wasn't truly okay?
What if
We all stopped saying
'Maybe someday'?

What if
The sun rose
In the west?
What if
The homely peasant
Was the hero for this quest?
What if
Good people
Were put under arrest?

What if
The sun came out
At night?
What if
Fish
Could take flight?
What if
Everything would truly
Turn out all right?

What if
We just turned everything
On it's head?
They say the handsome are good
But what if
The living were dead?
For these rules don't apply
When the outside layer
Is shed

Inside are you
A handsome prince
With a heart of gold?
Or a grotesque villain
With a heart
So cold?
And could I believe you
If you
Told?

A horrid beast
Could lie behind
The mask
Or a brave soul
Strong enough
For this task
The world is
A question
You just have to ask