Expulsion

In the stillest of moments

All breath caught and held

My thoughts may cycle

Shift or be expelled 

Talking heads may try

Insisting they stay

Let reality crash over

Let it wash all that once was away

Let us not freeze

Empty or go back

Always moving forward 

Reaching for what we lack 

Not to be without reason

I'll wonder where to go

Not to be without purpose 

Gathering up things to help me grow

Held it all for so long

Only, how do we release?

Worries building always 

Teach me how to find peace

Or how to be -

Belong and be me

Expelling all that leaves me feeling empty

Ember

In between each decision 

Do your thoughts bend and sway? 

Over-analyzed everything 

Now it's all turned to gray

Or do you always feel 

Totally unambiguous and right?

Told you every variable 

How they fade from your sight 

In between every ending 

New beginnings prance about 

Knowing this helps nothing 

I'll still cling to every doubt 

Can't it all just be better?

Acknowledging that's a lot to ask 

Never stopped me from trying 

Destined to break or finish every task 

Our days are numbered, our skin is frail 

Time seeps on and on

Holding tight, here and now

Is it worth it once it's gone?

Slow and venomous, they pile up

All the little disappointing things 

Now they inhabit all of it 

Yanking all our strings 

Moving between each decision

Or figuring out how long we can delay 

Risking the inevitable 

Ember shall burn through it all someday 

730

It's all just days and days

Stacking up together

It's all an ongoing attempt 

To learn how to be better

Learning how to disagree 

Without saying something I regret 

Learning how to voice my needs

Without getting upset 

Two years and there's still

So much that I don't know

So much time trying to learn

Yet so much space left to grow

All the days that I stumbled

Each time the words came out wrong 

When my anxieties surged 

And I didn't feel strong

Through it all, you remained 

Steadfast and true 

I always tried to be self sufficient

Now I'm trying to learn how to rely on you

 

I've never been a fast learner 

But this much at least I understand

The lessons are less daunting 

When you're there to hold my hand

It's all just days and days

730 since we've been together 

And I don't want to ever go back

Because I've found something better

Empty Space

Tell me, if I swear to be honest -

Honestly, would you promise to be kind?

Echoes of old memories

Echoes I don't want to find

Make believe it was for the best

Pretend it doesn't affect things anymore

Tormented with anxious attachments -

You traced insecurities into my core

Swore to be honest, but I lie to myself

Pretending you didn't see

All the manipulation and pressuring -

Claiming it was all for the love of me

Empty space is all that should be left now

Growing solid and secure

Really, what's accumulated -

Echoes of all the reasons to feel unsure

Why can't I just forget?

Sometimes, somehow, I do

Old echoes falling silent 

Listen, really - I'm over none of it but you

I swore, so here I am, in honesty 

Do you think even for a moment you ever kept your promises to me?

~

The Empty Space Between Us

The Empty Space Accumulated

Sieve

Sifting through past thoughts

Picking apart each memory

To justify today's emotions

They come in waves to toy at me

Did I always feel this way

Or did I convince myself later on

Did each thing matter quite so much

Or did I raise them with the dawn

All of life is perspective 

It changes day by day

Altering the past

Silently fading old thoughts away

Trying to decide what to think

Trying to remember who I was before

Trying to keep everything

While trying to be so much more

Trying to make sense

Out of ever shifting memories 

Trying to find something solid 

The truths bend in the breeze 

All of life is perception 

Trying to show you through my eyes

How all of it is sieving chaos

Lost in endless skies