Malaise

The grip of the sky
The softness of land
Fingers crossed behind their back
They offer me their hand

Is it worse to leave too soon
Or stay too late?
To trust too willingly
Or the chance decimate?

I talk to myself
Because I know I'm listening
And I keep to myself
Because their judgments are christening

Blame it on my
Lack of direction
Blame it on our
Fear of rejection

How can you know what love is?
Just another word they created
And I used to be so sure
But my mind's rotated

I prefer pens over pencils
Because their truths can't be erased
And I love your kiss
But I hate the aftertaste

They say the same thing
In a thousand different ways
While we smile
Through the malaise

I miss who I used to be
And am apprehensive as to who I will become
In the end
Will the pieces be bigger than the sum?

New words, old thoughts
Gibberish I write
It all ends the same
Running to our plight

Movement

17th birthday
Today I feel
Happy enough
Though a little unreal

There's a sense of disappointment
Because nothing's really changed
There's a ping of loss
Because somethings have been estranged

A feeling of worry
Of things changing in my life -
While I bemoan the sameness
A double-edged knife

A wondering feeling
Where did all the time go?
It left with speed
But the days felt slow

I have a deadly fear
Of being unprepared
I had a sinking feeling
That no one really cared

I have a questioning mind
That loves to learn
That searches for answers
And questions every turn

See, I'm not in a hurry -
I'm dragging my feet
But my legs keep running
There are expectations they must meet

It is those three things -
My fear, mind, and legs -
That make me seem in a hurry
Though I'm walking on eggs

I'm in no rush to be older
I'd reschedule if I could
Each year I feel I've done less
Though all I needed to, I withstood

But I'm happy still
Reading this, you might not get why
For a smile is harder to form into words
Than fears, cold and dry

I'm proud of my 16th year
I did pretty well
I may not have soared among stars
But I also never fell

Growing older is hard
And I feel with age I should improve
I push myself a lot
And get mad when I don't move

I doubt I'll ever have a birthday
Where I don't feel I've wasted time
But neither will there ever be a day
Where I don't smile at these silly things I rhyme

Clap Along

No house should ever be so quiet
As to hear a clock tick
No thought should ever be so deep
As to not make us act - quick

And I hear the birds when
Everything else is asleep
And I see bravery when
Everyone else acts like sheep

And the soothing music moves me
When I am alone
And the silent truth inspires me
When it is shown

We drown out the silence with noise
And expect to still hear it
Listening only to the clock
Few times it is quiet

Silence is wasted space
Wasted time as it tick, ticks away
Thoughts are wasted effort
So special at first, but they don't stay

And I'll put my headphones on
To drown out the world
And I clapped along
As I spiraled and twirled

And I will find no meaning
In two clocks ticking out of sync
And I will change nothing
With these thoughts that I think