Sunday, June 28, 2020

Drainage

What am I supposed to say?
Tell me who to be
I've lost myself to circling notions
I've lost myself in me

Tell me what you like
Give me a space to fill
I'll conform to the shape
Bend to your will

I'm empty and I'm broken
I fill and it leaks out
Refill with something new
Try to lose the doubt

Fill me with your thoughts
Give me opinions to fight for
Give me something to believe in
Give it all - give me more

Broken still - it spills so fast
I suppose I'm just a shell
Glue the pieces back together
So no one can tell

My skin peels away
Though I try to keep it on
No need to display my innards
Or the empty space now they're gone

My smile falters
With no muscles left to force it
I'll glue that on too
So it's a perfect fit

I'm being too honest again
My hands begin to shake
I'm emptying out again
Trying to forget the heartache

After it all, I know
You'll want a happy end
But all the glue has dried
And I can no longer bend

Stuck frozen as I am
Constantly filling as I drain
Lost in myself
I'll write until I go insane

So watch me empty out once more
Put all my innards on display
Fill with something new
Now what am I supposed to say?

Sunday, June 14, 2020

Tumultuous Tides

These feelings are hard to hold onto
Like grasping at sea foam
Joy used to last much longer
With you, everywhere felt like home

I watch the waves roll in
Watch the tide recede
Feel the laughter spill out
Feel my heart bleed

The sand between my toes
Burns the bottoms of my feet
The tightness in my chest
Mutes my heartbeat

The sun heats my skin
The wind tousles my hair
I attempt to convince myself
That I no longer care

The icy waters freeze me
The sunset might make me smile
Because time always insists
That I'll be fully happy in awhile

And though I know I told you
I always want honesty
I could really use a lie right now
So promise you'll remember me

Though time insists
That we'll both forget
I continue to wonder
If we're a lost possibility we'll always regret

But I'm just being dramatic
None of it meant anything at all
I watch the tides roll in
Watch the waves fall

Hear their eternal crashing
Tumultuous white noise in my ears
Water drops splash my face
Like your goodbye tears

Will you regret it eternally?
And will I ever find home?
But I'm just a lost possibility
And you're just some lines in a poem

Sunday, June 7, 2020

Weathered

The air is thick
With the heat of the sun
It clings to my skin
As if I'm the only one
It shall ever love
And ever need
I try to cool down
But I shan't succeed
For though I sweat
And pant and sigh
Love comes burning
From the empty sky

I ask for clouds
Perhaps some rain
My skin turns red
For love is pain
Finally the sky
Gives in and cries
The clouds come in
And my love dies
The sun is lost
There goes the heat
I watch the water
Drown my feet

It cools my skin
Comes up to my waist
I shiver and tremble
Not liking the taste
I long for the sun
Beg the sky, "Please"
The rain turns to snow
I start to freeze
Surrounded by flakes
They bury my head
I'd reach imploringly towards the sky
But I'm already dead

And then the snow melts
And washes away
The clouds disperse
And the sun sends down a ray
It touches my body
Thaws my skin
But it matters not
For even when
The sun comes back
With all its might
I'll fade away
Into the limpid night

Sunday, May 24, 2020

Rooftop

Lacking inspiration
Or a single original thought
Why should I write anything at all?
Then again, why ever not?

I went searching for silver-linings
And got a sunburn
Attempted to find adventure
Along with something to learn

Because there need always
Be a lesson in it
Or else, what's it all for?
I knew once, but now I forget . . .

My hands are strong and calloused
You called them soft and smooth
My mouth is blunt and honest
For you it would smile and soothe

Isn't that nice?
How nice I could be?
Only, most days I'm not
Instead, I'm just me

Isn't that interesting?
How often we fail
At being who we want to -
But for another time, that's a tale

Do I sound clever yet?
Thoughts spinning in my head
Isn't it so not subtle?
From a silver platter, I've spoon-fed

Never been one to flirt with meaning -
Bite my lip and smile shyly
I'll shout my intentions from the rooftop -
Write with complete honesty

But honestly, who cares?
Only me, and not for long
I'll spin it around in my head
Until I become calloused and strong

Why should I write anything at all?
And why ever should I not?
I'll watch the sunbeams scatter
Like my train of thought

Friday, May 15, 2020

Strange Familiarity

Shall I be overly dramatic today?
Perhaps not, just for a change
The scenery remains
So familiar, yet newly strange

That's the way of life
Everything suddenly going south
That's just the way I am
Too many words stuck in my mouth

The end of forever
Feels like so long ago
Yet I'm just beginning
There's so much I still don't know

A whole year gone and gained
Past sounds echoing through
Stuck in an age neither young nor old
Constantly finding and losing myself too

And where did all the time go?
It left with such speed
Always feeling so rushed
Yet the days are a slow bleed

And nothing's going to be the same
That was my proclamation
My small world kept growing
With no explanation

And so much has happened
It's been my busiest year
And so much has changed
Though I'm still right here

I've changed, and I'm still me
So familiar, yet newly strange
Traded old thoughts for new experiences
It's been a formative exchange

That's the way of life
Sometimes things go south
Eighteen was a trying year -
I still have a smile playing across my mouth

And too many words
Bleeding through my hands
And malleable scenery
With a nineteenth year's worth of plans